


Spell Bound

by LadyoftheForest8



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angry Cullen Rutherford, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Black City (Dragon Age), Cullen Fluff, Cullen Rutherford Fluff, Cullen Rutherford Smut, Cullen Smut, Dalish Lore, Dalish Origin, Deep Roads (Dragon Age), Dragons, Eluvians (Dragon Age), Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Kiss, Grey Wardens, Kinloch Hold (Dragon Age), Kirkwall (Dragon Age), Love, Lyrium, Mages (Dragon Age), Magic, Memory Loss, Memory Magic, Oral Sex, Ouch, Outdoor Sex, POV Alternating, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition, Red Lyrium, Romance, Sex, Skyhold (Dragon Age), Spirits, Templars (Dragon Age), Tent Sex, The Calling (Dragon Age), Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:27:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 27,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23148493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyoftheForest8/pseuds/LadyoftheForest8
Summary: A Warden Mage saved what is left of her home. Cullen on the other hand is in the grips of a mental breakdown. Faced with an impossible decision. Can she leave him forever mentally scarred or she can attempt to help him forget? If she does, she knows he may never forgive her. Did her kiss seal both their fates?Added new Chapters 11/7/20, still editing. It may look like a lot of chapters but some are short to separate POV's.
Relationships: Cullen Rutherford/Female Warden, Female Amell/Cullen Rutherford
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alanis Morissette - Uninvited (Live Version)

She watched him watch her as she tried to study Elvorn’s Grande Bestiary propped open in front of her. She would read a sentence then her eyes would wander his way. She recalled the day she had met him, running down the hall she turned a corner and slammed right into him. The collision knocking her to the ground, her instinct to cower away from the giant Templar garbed in steel plate. Once she saw his eyes though it was as if everything else faded away. His eyes ringed in the richest brown shifted to a caramel color all flecked through with gold. She had never seen eyes that could mesmerize such as his.

A tall looming figure only more enhanced by his armor. However, his eyes evoked such kindness soothing her fears. Her heart skipped a beat as the corner of his mouth lifted up to grin down at her. His hand reached out for hers to help her up. Once upright, she still clung to his hand not wanting to let go. An overwhelming sense of feeling safe and protected while holding his hand. After a long pause, he finally pulled away.

They were opposites as their roles could be. Yet he was different then his fellow Templars. She saw no cruelness or hatred she detected from his comrades. In her heart of hearts, she desired him, longed for him, but love? She had no notion of love, both her parents died when she was just a babe. Fostered in the Chantry then sent to the Circle once she began to manifest magic. Still he made her feel things she had never felt before. An unusual yearning for to be close to him, to release her. Awakening something sleeping deep within her. She wondered if he could ever feel the same towards her.

Her harrowing had went smoothly; Irving had been pleased. Now she would be leaving the Circle to join the Grey Wardens with Duncan. It was a new start for her and one that granted her deepest wish to be free. Packed and ready to go she wanted to research some creatures she might actually encounter in the outside world.

Yet she found it hard to concentrate knowing he was this close yet forbidden to her. Each time they caught each other’s eyes across the room they would smile shyly then look away. Her heart beat faster when his face grew a deeper shade of pink. Finally mustering the courage to speak to him, she glanced around the library blessedly empty at this time of day. Standing up he watched her approach as he too peered around the room.

“Rumor is that you are leaving tomorrow,” he started for once managing to not stumble over his words.

“Yes…I wanted to…um,” she faltered her eyes taking in his features. She wanted to capture his image to take with her on her journey. Wondering what it would feel like to run her fingers through his blonde curls. She desperately wanted to cup his strong square jaw. All words she had wanted to say left her. She tried to think of something clever or funny but her eyes focused on his lips. Suddenly the loss of not seeing him every day hit her all at once.

Impulsive and without thinking she went up on her tiptoes to kiss those haunting lips. The Circle and the Templars could not touch her now that she was leaving. She did not want to leave without letting him know how she felt. Sweet and delicate just as she had imagined. It was as if she had stepped into a warm pool. Her body flushed excitedly from the top of her head down to her toes. As she pulled away, he was still leaning forward his eyes lidded in a daze.

She smiled pleased with herself staring up into his baffled expression. “Forgive my boldness but I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” She watched him struggle as a long silence lingered between them. “Goodbye, Cullen.” She walked back towards her room not daring to look back.

When she saw him, next he looked drained to the point of death. She had been ecstatic at the idea of returning to the Circle. The reality of the situation wiped away any chance of a happy reunion. Trapped as he was she did not recognize the man rocking on his knees. His admission of his feelings for her mixed together with his rantings of blood mages and abominations.

All her friends, teachers, and Templars meant to protect them tortured and killed. She could hardly maintain her own sanity seeing her home so corrupted. Saving a handful of mages and First Enchanter Irving was a small comfort. As she walked down the steps of the Harrowing Chamber, she overheard Cullen shouting.

Parting the mages blocking her view. Cullen stood his sword unsheathed dripping red with blood. He had slashed at a mage laying on the ground. The mage clutched his side blood spilling between his fingers, face white with pain. As another mage went to help his fallen friend, Cullen raised his sword. Before he could bring it down, she caught his wrist. They struggled over his sword but he was crazed and much stronger.

She could hear Galen, her mabari hound barking behind her. He hit out the butt of his sword smacking into her temple. Everything went black as she sank into the darkness. Bolting upright, she found herself in an unfamiliar room. She detected someone in the room with her. Her head swam as a sharp pain on the side of her head made her cry out. A hand encircled her own she opened her eyes to see Wynne staring down at her.

“Wynne, thank the Maker. What happened?” she questioned wincing in pain.

“Everyone is alright for the moment. The Templar who attacked you and Eadric is sleeping for now. Whatever happened to him has altered his mind. He was still raving about you being a demon. He will not let another mage near him,” Wynne sighed patting her hand. She had seen his the depths of the madness reflected in his eyes.

“Do you think he can be helped?” she choked tears blurring her vision.

“Who knows what the future holds? He most certainly will never be the same as he was,” Wynne admitted looking at her with concern.

“Wynne you must help him. There must be something that can be done…,” she murmured almost to herself.

“What would you have me do, he is broken. There is nothing that can be done, I’m sorry Iona,” Wynne apologized thinking on what she said. “Unless…”

“Unless what?” she exclaimed squeezing Wynne’s hand tight. Hot tears ran down her face she brushed at them angrily.

“I know of a memory spell…much can go wrong with this sort of magic. He would forget everything that is disturbing him, including you,” Wynne warned shaking her head. She thought over what she said carefully. He could go back to before all this horror had changed him. Nevertheless, he would never know her. Her hand rose to feel the large knot he inflicted at her temple.

“Can I see him?” she whispered looking up into Wynne’s face. “To say goodbye…again.”

Wynne helped her to his room, still unsteady on her feet. Closing the door behind her quietly she tentatively crept towards his bed. She watched as he slept, Wynne assuring her he was in a deep sleep. Still afraid he might wake and see that blind hatred in his eyes once again she held her breath. His dark eyelashes fluttered slightly but she scrutinized his chest rise and fall slowly.

He seemed so vulnerable without his massive armor. Stepping closer she smoothed his hair back from his face. Cupping his jaw, she leaned in to steal a kiss for the second time. She wanted to press her body down beside his. Lay her head against his chest to hear his heart beating. Already she had taken too many liberties as it was.

She realized then that she did love him. Why else would she risk so much to see him restored at the cost to herself. He deserved to live a full happy life without the taint of what happened to destroy his character. She turned to leave her heart aching in her chest. She opened the door permitting Wynne entry to cast her spell. She closed the door and hoped that one day she could do the same with him.

She had tried to forget him focus on her duty. What she had done to him continued to trouble her. Once the Blight ended, she found herself preoccupied with his wellbeing. Wynne assured her he would be fine but she had to make sure. Under the guise of visiting the Circle, she hopped a ship to Kirkwall.

Her heart in her throat she watched him interact with another Templar. His smile carefree and relaxed how she remembered him in those early years. She meant only to linger for a few moments, just to see his face. She needed to know he was happy and safe. When he turned his face in her direction, she spun on the spot and starting walking toward the main exit.

Glancing over her shoulder stunned to see he was catching up at a jog. “Excuse me!” Cullen called out, quick enough to be at her side before she made a retreat. She stopped stricken, panic on her face that melted into sadness at seeing him this close.

He looked healthy but his expression troubled to see her. His golden eyes clear but suspicious regarded her up and down. “You’re a Grey Warden are you not?” he asked tilting his head to one side.

“Yes…”she breathed trying to steady the rapid beating of her heart. His blonde hair styled slightly relaxed into soft waves. His face clean-shaven except for the beginnings of a goatee framing his mouth.

“You remind me of someone…” he trailed off as if trying to recall her face. She held her breath terrified but hoping he could somehow recollect.

“We were at Kinloch Hold together,” she offered but he face grew even more confused.

“Are you sure…I think I would remember you if you were,” he struggled his brow creasing as his hand rose to rub at the back of his neck. She wanted so badly to reach out to touch him but kept her hands closed into fists at her sides.

“It was a long time ago. I was frightened of Templars back then so I kept away from most of them. I remembered you though, I wanted to stop by to see how you were,” she confessed her voice tight with emotion.

His face smoothed the corners of his mouth uplifting. “I am well. The Circle in Kirkwall is very different from Kinloch Hold. The Tower always held a special place in my heart. Sometimes I wished I had stayed,” he said almost wistfully scrutinizing her face.

“Do you remember what happened?” She asked impulsively wondering if maybe, something had been left of her in his mind.

“I have flashes of images sometimes or strange feelings but no. I have heard the stories but I think I am almost glad I don’t remember. Greagoir told me the Chantry was shuffling around Templars. I stayed in Greenfell for some time before being transferred to Kirkwall,” he explained running his fingers through his hair.

“Are you happy here?” She whispered her eyes tearing; she dipped her head to stare at the ground.

“Happy? I suppose I am, I’m not unhappy,” his face clouded stepping closer. She stepped back instinctually finally looking up into his puzzled eyes.

“I’m sorry I must be going, it was good to see you,” She muttered starting towards the gate. He stepped forward blocking her path.

“You can’t stay? We could reminisce about the tower. Even if I don’t remember you, we knew the same people. You must have had some amazing adventures. I have so many questions I would love to ask a Grey Warden. How about a game of chess?” he proposed stepping closer again. His smile was like the sun coming up over the horizon. She wanted to stay and spend the day with him. If she stayed, she knew she would be lost.

“Maybe another time, I really must be going” She choked pushing past him not wanting him see the tears spilling down her cheeks.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mystery of Love - Sufjan Stevens

When another recruit pointed out the Grey Warden looking his way. It was as if he had been struck in the chest. Something in his mind screamed to run after her. Practically chasing her down she finally turned to face him.

White hot flashes whipped through his brain. Grey eyes, raven hair, a slow smile, then her mouth. Her lips that seemed familiar but studying now they were hard to place. He tried to hold onto an image but it slipped away.

She seemed upset or frightened as he had chased her down. He sensed the magic surrounding her like an aura. The radiance of her armor deep blues highlighted with silver scales, tight black and brown leather. She looked like a heroine out of legend but she was quickly walking away from him.

He noticed a large mabari anxiously greet her as she waited for the doors to open. She turned back to look at him over her shoulder. Even at this distance, he could see the sorrow in her face. Perplexed he tried to recall his time at Kinloch Hold but still had no memories of her. He knew he would have spotted her right away.

Slight of body but toned from combat. Her doe like grey eyes widened by melancholy. Hair pulled back out of her face except for unruly strands gusting gently in the wind. Her flushed parted lips unsettled him. He felt an unexpected urge to lay his lips against hers. Wanted to reach out to hold her close and never let go. It exhilarated and frightened him this hunger, feeling strangely familiar.

Maybe she had changed since becoming a Grey Warden. It was possible he had never met or seen her but somehow he doubted it. His obsession with Grey Wardens always a mystery to him. He consumed any book or reference to them since leaving the Tower. The recruit who he had been talking to approached him again. “Do you know who that is?” he asked animatedly shaking him by the shoulder. He shook his head still in a dreamy haze.

“No, I mean she said we were at the same Circle a while back. I don’t remember her though,” he responded rubbing the back of his neck.

“That’s the Hero of Ferelden! I always assumed she would be a giant of a woman but she is a small little thing,” his friend marveled staring at doors closing blocking her from their sight. He wanted to run after her, he had so many questions but she was gone. “Come on, we had better get to the assembly. We don’t want to keep Knight Commander Meredith waiting. She is seriously losing it, we should put in for a transfer.”

He was not listening to his companion as they walked through the courtyard. He had heard the stories of the Hero of Ferelden, Iona Amell. It was all anyone talked about especially the other Templars. Her being a mage bolstered both sides. Mages in the Circle proud one of their own defeated the Blight. While Templars grew to admire and even trust their charges on her example.

Knight Commander Meredith increasingly more concerned about a mage rebellion. Almost to the point of paranoia. He knew they needed to be hyper-vigilant but it was plain to see her prejudice towards them. There was no doubt that the tension between the Templars and mages was coming to zenith.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'll Still Have Me - Cyn

“Iona, you have a visitor waiting in your quarters,” Stroud interrupted her training of several mages escaping the war. She allowed Stroud to take over her training while she went in search of the caller. Galen her constant shadow kept up but would run ahead then double back. Her door was open and she examined the back of this unexpected guest.

Galen barked causing him to turn as he did her breath caught in her chest. His face drawn, dark circles ringed his eyes. A scar bisected his right upper lip, cheeks and jaws spotted with dark stubble. She could tell by the way he looked at her that he knew who she was. His gaze turned her stomach in knots afraid this day would come.

Cullen looked down to Galen who inspected him tensely a soft growl rumbled in his throat. He looked back at her trying to find the words.

“Galen, go help Stroud,” she commanded he whined but begrudgingly ambled out the door. “Cullen, I…do you know who I am?” she asked her voice nervous her hands wringing.

“I was in the middle of training recruits, the next my mind became overloaded with memories. It all came in so fast I couldn’t process it. The only clear factor in all of it was you. Do you know what happened to me?” he queried closing the distance between them. His jaw clenched tight along with his hands balled into fists.

She swallowed hard marshaling up the courage to tell him the truth. “Yes…” she whispered her mouth turning down guilty. “After what happened to you at Kinloch Hold I asked another mage to cast a memory spell on you,” she admitted her arms crossed as if she needed to hold herself afraid she might break apart.

“You…you did this to me?” he shook his head in disbelief. He clasped his head in his hands in bewilderment. Panic swept her face as she advanced towards him then stopped. He stepped back in response practically falling into a nearby chair.

“You couldn’t see past your rage and mistrust. Hatred and pain wrapped itself around you and turned you into something I knew you weren’t. It destroyed me to do that to you but I knew how much better your life would be if you forgot,” she choked, tears misted her eyes guilt of what she had done suffocating her.

“Did you reverse the spell, why am I remembering now?” he asked eyes narrowing his voice gruff with anger.

“The mage who cast the spell died at White Spire. I suppose her spell must have broken with her death,” she suggested unable to hold his heated gaze.

“How could you do that to me…to yourself?” he puzzled his face stricken. He looked so weary as if he had not slept in weeks. Tears watered his eyes but kept themselves from spilling down his cheeks. Her hands flew up angrily to wipe her own shed tears.

“I cared for you. It was the only option that might bring you back. I wanted you to have some peace even if it meant forgetting me. You have no idea how I agonized all these years thinking over the different possibilities. When I saw you in Kirkwall, you seemed content. Was I wrong?” she asked tears once again spilling down her face.

“Yes! You had no right! You cannot mess with another person’s mind like that. If you would have given me a choice maybe but you…you did this against my will!" he shouted his fists beat against his thighs.

“Your right, I am a coward. I couldn’t stand to see you so tormented. I can’t undo it, I am sorry I thought at the time it was for the best,” she submitted desperation welling in her eyes. After all this time, she had prolonged their suffering. Realizing now she had only delayed his rightful loathing. They sat in silence as he tried to digest all she had said. He cradled his head in his head, shaking his head in confusion.

She approached him slowly his face lifted etched in his agony. She knelt in front of him cupping his face in her hands. It was painful to see that familiar look of hostility staring back at her. “I loved you, I still do. Is there nothing I can do to gain your forgiveness?” she asked already knowing the answer.

“You used magic on me. You made me forget you and all that happened. I know why you did it and maybe with time I could understand but I think you have done enough,” he said disgusted pulling his face out of her grasp. He stood gave her one last look before walking out the door. She grieved the complete and true loss of him this time.

In the past, she comforted herself with the knowledge he was out in the world not locked in madness. Now he knew everything and there was nothing she could do. The number of times she had cursed herself for stealing that kiss. Allowing that spell to cast them apart never knowing the alternate paths they could have taken. She would hold tight to that guilt and knowledge as she walked the Deep Roads to die.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> M'Lover - Kishi Bashi

Cullen stared down at a report biting his lip while he read. A quick rapping on his door broke his concentration. “Enter,” he called setting down the report as he raked his fingers through his hair. He looked up to see Leliana enter, closing the door behind her. She strode to his large desk her hands behind her back. In truth, Cullen had always been wary of Leliana but he respected her dedication to the Inquisition.

“I hope by now I can be direct with you. When Divine Justinia suggested Cassandra and I start the Inquisition we set out to find people who could advance our cause. I am not sure if you knew that I traveled with Iona when she and Alistair set out to end the Blight. Iona recommended you to us as candidate for Commander. She spoke of you often to me…” Leliana admitted scrutinizing Cullen’s face.

“Did she tell you all of it? What she did to me?” Cullen declared his face flushing red with anger.

“I was there Cullen; I saw it all. What she did…she did out of love. It was not a decision she accepted on a whim. She was thinking about your wellbeing. I know she would take me speaking to you like this as a betrayal. Nevertheless, I care for you both…” Leliana trailed off letting her words sink in.

“Continue,” Cullen punctuated the word with a frustrated gesture.

“She has begun to hear the calling. She wrote me as a farewell I suppose. She asked after you…I thought you should know,” Leliana acknowledged her eyes losing their usual coldness.

His expression alarmed he digested this troubling information. That would mean she would be journeying to the Deep Roads soon. From all the books he had read about Wardens, the calling had never been mentioned. It was not until Wardens had starting hearing an imitation calling from Corypheus that he learned her fate. Cullen had expected to see her again at Adamant but she had gone by then. He made inquiries discreetly to the remaining Wardens; no one seemed to know where she had gone. Encountering Stroud at Adamant had reminded him of that terrible dark day. He regretted how he left her, blind with rage.

“Where is she, do you know?” Cullen asked almost a whisper his eyes down cast.

“Her letter mentioned she was heading to Kal’Hirol, it is near the Storm Coast. I am not sure how long she will be there. I know that she would want to see you before she makes her descent. It is your choice, I will leave it to you,” Leliana dipped her head leaving him with his thoughts.

As the memories came into focus he was able to remember what had happened clearly. If she had not stepped between him and his madness, he might have killed all the remaining mages, herself included. Starved, tormented, and suffering from lyrium withdrawal for days. The guilt of attacking the mages he swore to protect haunted him. Over the years he began to comprehend why she sought to protect him. It was the choice that bothered him the most.

As a young boy, he was taught the dangers of magic. It had interested him as a Templar, amazed the talent mages could wield. Until that terrible day in the Tower, he had learned of its perils. Over the years, he had seen the good and bad of mages were capable of. The truth of her feelings she admitted to him played back in his head often he waited for sleep. 

The sky began to darken as Cullen rode on looking for a spot to set up camp. It had only been a day’s ride from Skyhold when he came upon an Inn. The sign outside read Braithefield Inn, shrugging he led his horse to the stables. Entering he was stunned to see a small group of Grey Wardens crowded at a nearby table. Cullen waved away the Innkeeper as he approached the party.

“I’m looking for Iona Amell, is she with your unit?” Cullen asked removing his gloves.

The Wardens peered at him interested. An elvish woman a delicate vallaslin inked onto her pale face. Her white blonde hair braided in a dalish fashion highlighted her piercing green eyes spoke up. “She already went up. She should still be awake, second door on the left up the stairs.” Pointing behind him they all went back to their drinking game. He could not believe his luck almost as if the Maker had guided them back to one another. He climbed the stairs locating the door he froze uncertain in front of it.

His arm raised to knock but then hesitated. Inhaling a large breath then resolved he knocked lightly. He heard movement on the other side of the door. The door opened a hand width apart as her face visibly paled seeing him. Her mouth fell open then closed as she struggled to speak. Opening the door wider the light from her room spilling into the hallway. Plainly dressed in an oversize white linen shirt that fell to her knees. Shame flamed her cheeks, her grey eyes darting up and down the hall.

“Cullen…” she breathed as if she could not quite believe he was truly standing in front of her.

“May I come in?” Cullen asked his heart beat thudding in his ears. She glanced down the hallway again but then stepped back to allow him to enter. He stood in the middle of the room not sure where to start. She closed the door her eyes meeting his nervously. Fidgeting around the room she finally settled at the window seat that looked over the stables. Her dark hair piled high a top her head fell in tumbling waves to her back. Her arms crossed in front of her body self-consciously.

He cleared his throat flexing his hands at his sides. “I…uh…I heard about your unfortunate journey and I wanted to resolve any remaining discord between us,” he began but stopped as her brows turned down in confusion.

“Unfortunate journey?” she repeated tilted her head while uncrossing her arm.

“Leliana told me you have begun to hear the calling…” his voice quavered he stepped closer to her.

“Wait, what?” her brow furrowed even more then she smiled bitterly shaking her head. “I could kill her…I’m sorry to have to tell you that Leliana set you up.” She covered her face with her hands sighing. “I have been searching for a way to prevent the Calling. No calling for this Warden, at least not yet.” She eyed him as he sat down heavily next to her making the cushion lift with his added weight.

“She told me she had received a letter from you asking about me...” Cullen rubbed his hands against his leathers in irritation.

“I did write to her. I know I don’t have the right but I always about you,” Iona admitted in a tight voice eyes downcast.

“I feel like such a fool,” he confessed rubbing the back of his neck embarrassed. His eyes distracted by her toned legs dangling from the seat. Her nightshirt thin enough to cling to particular areas of her body. The swell of her breasts perfectly outlined by the sheer cloth. Her face flushed as she noticed the careful attention his eyes played along her body.

“She was wrong to lie but I am glad to see you. It’s been a long time, you look better than the last…” Her eyes softened as she scrutinized his appearance. He smiled relaxing somewhat then glanced around the room. A hearth fire burned brightly setting shadows dancing in her cozy room. A large bed set to one side blankets already disheveled. “Does your coming all this way mean you finally have forgiven me?”

Her eyes widen with remorse he felt like he was falling into them. They reminded him of a winter sky just before it began to snow. “I have struggled with what happened. I know why you did what you did. I might have done the same. You saved me from making a mistake I would have carried the rest of my life. Yes, I forgive you but only if you forgive me for how I left things.” Breathing deep to gather courage he continued. “As hard as I have tried I cannot erase your kiss,” Cullen declared not sure how she might respond. She jumped up off her seat, turning her back to him.

“That was so long ago…it was reckless.” Iona hugged herself still not facing him.

“You said that you loved me once. Is that no longer true?” Cullen asked slowly getting to his feet. She turned, her pain twisting her features.

“What do you want me to say? That I still care for you. I am grateful that you came all this way but you should go.” Arms outstretched he could see tears welling in her eyes.

“I tried to forget you even when that spell was cast but you still inhabited my thoughts and dreams.” He needed to know if that kiss was as meaningful as he remembered. Advancing he took both her arms in his hands to pull her against his body. “Just kiss me once more then I will leave if you want me to,” Cullen reasoned pressing his lips to hers. It was electric just as he had remembered. She moaned parting her lips to surrender to his kiss. Her hands stole up his back to cup at the back of his head. Tentative her tongue glided into his mouth her body shook with fear or excitement.

He pulled back noticing her eyes closed, tears still wet on her cheeks. Dazed she opened her eyes to stare into his, limp in his arms. “Tell me you feel it too…do you still want me to go?” he whispered caressing her cheek with his palm. He saw the struggle in her face even now she was still trying to save him.

“No,” she breathed pulling him down into another kiss.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fade Into You - Mazzy Star

She pulled away coming up for air from their kiss. His face flushed adorably as he pressed his forehead to hers. She had felt it too but she could not find words to describe it. The moment their lips met a surge of energy burst between them. The only sensation she could compare it to was when she began to cast a spell. It was a small tingling of power, starting in her chest then exploding throughout her body. She wanted more, his hands, to feel his skin against her. Her hands pulled desperately at his armor almost frenzied.

He helped her pulling the latches of his armor while she discarded the pieces haphazardly. She backed him slowly across the room until he felt the bed at the back of his knees. Her hands stole under his shirt to feel along his torso up to his chest. Stopping at his waist, they lowered trying to slip into his pants. Smiling he captured her hands in his stopping her. He held her hands at her sides, breathing heavy she looked up annoyed.

“Are you sure?” Cullen asked his resolve crumbling even as he waited for her response. She did not answer in words, pulling her shirt quickly over her head in reply. His shirt soon joined hers discarded to the floor. Pushing him back against the bed, she straddled him. Her warm mouth interlocking with his and she grinded her core hard against his groin. His hands rough from swordplay caressed along her thighs.

When she gripped his pants to tug them down he flipped her onto her back. He pulled apart to gaze down the length of her body. Kissing along her neck, he sucked at her tender skin. His hands stroked her breasts bringing them to his lips. He swirled his tongue at her hardened nipples. She hissed as he sucked deeply at each one in turn. Moving down her body he trailed kisses down her stomach.

Suddenly she was scared; she had never been with someone she loved before. She had made a promise to herself, never to lose herself again. The pain of his leaving almost destroyed her once. She never wanted to feel that pain ever again. She wondered at times if she only loved him because he was unattainable. He paused one eyebrow upraised seeing her hesitation. She swallowed her fears she cupped his cheeks pulling him back up alongside her body.

She chased away his concern with her lips as they touched exploring each other. His hands warm on her skin slow and careful. He pitched her into a passion until she could take it no longer. He rose above her to settle himself between her legs. Small cries and pleas whispered against his lips as he parted her. She buried her face into his neck breathing him in deep. He took her then their bodies moving in perfect rhythm. His amber eyes glowed with a craving to match her own. Sure and powerful thrusts brought her over the edge. Shivering with desire, she twined her fingers in his hair. 

She pulled his mouth down to her lips as he fed on her cries. He pressed forward urgent his grip tightening at her hips. She felt his pace quicken a deep groan issuing from his throat. Pleasure burst over her as small spots danced under her eyelids. She felt the strain of his release as his body collapsed in her arms. She swirled tiny circles on his dampened skin along his back. Enjoying the rapid beating of his heart against her own.

He lifted his weight off her chest to stare down into her face. As his breathing slowed, he lay himself beside her. Their limbs entwined, catching each other’s flustered expressions as they smiled contently. She reached up to stroke the stubble on his cheeks. “This scar makes you look rather dangerous,” she outlined the mark with her fingertip. His smirk all male clearly pleased by her comment.

“Do you like danger?” he teased gently nipping at her neck. She laughed throatily wedging herself closer into his side.

“It’s all I’ve ever known.” She placed her palm against his hand comparing their sizes. Her hand seemed so diminutive in comparison next to his.

“I can tell. What kind of danger are you in now?” He watched her map the lines of his hand with her fingertip.

“I have been following leads to stop the Calling. I sought out Fiona, the Grand Enchanter but she died fighting alongside the Venatori. My other lead was a man Avernus; I met once at Warden’s Keep. All I found were research notes no trace of him. The research papers I found mentioned an altar in the west that may hold some answers. It is just so hard to follow just one lead there are so many possibilities. The more I search for answers I end up with twice as many questions.” Her eyes darkened with distress as she stroked his chest for comfort.

“What kinds of questions? Maybe I can help.” Cullen offered kissing the top of her head.

“The Ashes of Andraste would be simple answer but no one has seen them in years. The easiest way to stop the Calling would be to find and kill the last two Old Gods. It would take a massive army and we may not even be successful. Once I came across an evolved darkspawn who called himself the Architect who had a similar idea. He might had had some answers or aided us but I killed him,” She huffed winding a lock of hair in frustration around her finger.

“Dragons cannot be tainted there may be something there but I haven’t the first clue. Lyrium is another possibility, it sings just like the Calling. I could turn to Flemeth or Morrigan but they do not make themselves known unless they want to be found. The source of the Calling all begins with the taint. I know the answer is in the Black City but how to get there…I have seen it twice when I entered the Fade. I would give my life gladly in trying to find answers or a cure. I may never find an answer in my life time but I must continue to try,” Her eyes burned with determination then softening when she looked up into his face. He looked worried as she was before he had showed up. She had never expected to see him again but in the Fade. Now here he was laying in her bed, his arms snug around her body. She reached up to caress his cheek rising up to press her warm lips to his.

“I must send Leliana a thank you gift. Shoes most like…she adores them.” She laid her cheek against his body lifting her slightly with each breath.

“I didn’t know if I could even find you to say good bye. If it wasn’t for her meddling I don’t think I would be here now.” His face softened for a moment but then grew troubled again. “I could try to send word to Morrigan for you; she did help the Inquisition for a time. She has since left with her son but I am sure we could find a way to contact her. The Black City…” He shook his head distress clear in his voice. She lifted her head as he tucked strand of her hair behind her ear looking deep into her eyes. “How is that even possible?”

“I don’t know yet...Galdrin has hopes she can contact her clan for some answers. We are going to Jader next to cross the Waking Sea to Cumberland, then to Tevinter.” She rested her head against his chest again letting its steady beat soothe her. Scratching noises then a high-pitched whine emanated outside the door. She rolled of the bed smoothly picking up her discarded shirt to dress. Two knocks soon followed as she parted the door to see Sigrun and Galen.

Sigrun’s legion of the dead tattoo blended into the shadows. Her short dark hair tied back bangs framing her face. She held onto Galen’s collar while he searched around suspicious, sniffing at the air fiercely. She blocked the door with her body hiding the room from her two callers. Sigrun struggled to hold him back while Galen searched for an opening. “Commander, sorry for disturbing you. As you can see he was rather insistent,” Sigrun shrugging her shoulders while arching an eyebrow. Galen growled low in his chest while still trying to lunge forward.

Iona snapped her fingers and Galen sat in an instant. “Sigrun would you mind Galen sleeping in your room, just for tonight?” Galen gave a shrill yelp of dismay.

“Of course, come along Galen. Oh, sleep in if you would like we are not leaving until mid-afternoon. Callis and Oghren are having another drinking contest downstairs. We’ll be lucky to head out before dusk tomorrow,” Sigrun called pulling Galen along, her mabari throwing her pitiful glances. The nub of his tail trying to tuck between his legs. “Have a good night…” she called in a singsong tone.

Iona closed the door shaking her head while smiling softly. She turned her stomach clenching at the sight of him sprawled out in her bed. The sheets pulled just above that enticing v of his abdomen. One arm bent behind his head the other resting on his stomach. Her face flushed suddenly shy for no reason other than her own desire flooding her body. Those dark lonely nights she had conjured up his face and body was nothing compared to the sight before her.

He motioned her back towards the bed a slow smile tugging to one side. There was that sensation again of falling, a thrill of losing her heart to this unrealistic dream. There was no happily ever after for her. It scared her how much he meant to her. Her mind raced over the possibilities now endless but shook her head trying to be in this moment.

“What are you thinking?” Cullen asked as she turned her back pouring water into a cup on the table. She drank deep before turning back to face him.

“How beautiful you look lying there. If I didn’t know better I might believe you are a desire demon sent to tempt me,” She sighed as she made her way to the bed sitting beside him. His eyes softened at her answer taking the offered cup. She watched his throat swallow while he drank down the cool water. A spill of water trickled down his chin to form a small pool at base of his throat. Her fingertips drawn to play with the spreading wet patch.

“Beautiful? Isn’t that used to describe women?” He mused looking down to watch her fingers running small circles.

“Sometimes…” She looked into his honey colored eyes taking in his features. “You are though. Not handsome but beautiful to me.” She leaned over him aching to feel his lips against her once again. She squealed as he rolled her back onto the bed positioning himself over her.

“I would like to accompany you to Jader? It’s on the way to Skyhold…I am not ready to say good bye just yet.” His hands inching up her nightshirt sending shivers along her skin. She nodded slowly a small smile forming pleased to be given more time with him. Their bodies entangled once again, eager take time exploring one another.

Exhausted he finally closed his eyes, his mouth slightly parted as she watched him sleep She had lingered at the Inn waiting for a reply by Leliana to find the whereabouts of a particular mage. Instead, Leliana had delivered him to her an unexpected but beloved gift. She had been afraid in the past but not like this, she knew this would likely be her final mission.

Her one regret now lay next to her turning onto his side. The shadow of stubble lined his cheeks; she wondered what he would look like with a beard. He looked older yet annoyingly even more handsome. Scars lined his chest she wondered what each one had cost him. He survived it all, had ridden all day and by chance happened to have found her.

She gazed at him in wonder then pinched herself. It was real yet she still could not quite believe it. Did they really know each other at all though? Had she built up this idea of him without ever truly knowing who he was? She had built up so many walls, not allowing herself to develop feelings for anyone else. He simply appeared at her door crumbling those walls to dust.

She had always been too much inside of her head. Why couldn’t she just enjoy having him here with her at last? She snuggled closer to his side her arm possessively holding him to her. He mumbled something under his breath but did not wake. The warmth of his body and rhythmic breathing eased her to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Magic - Coldplay

He woke his face buried into her ink black hair. He could not remember ever sleeping as soundly as he had last night. The tendrils of her hair tickled his face as he brushed them aside. Her head still tucked down against his chest as he turned onto his back. Gazing over the length of her body, he smiled to himself. He had no words for how he felt, happy was an understatement. Gladly he could stay in this bed for the rest of his life. Then he caught the familiar odor of horse coming off his own body.

Rolling quietly off the bed, he found his discarded clothes. At least his clothes had aired out as he began to redress. Without waking her, he slipped from the room to the main hall. Inquiring about a bath, her room had a small tub already set out. He waited for heated water the innkeeper throwing him suspicious looks. He carried the water himself while balancing a plate of oatcakes and fruit. Setting down the plate, he poured the hot water into the tub.

The sound of the water woke her as she sat up blinking drowsily. Her hair a tousled mess brought a smile to his lips. She smiled shyly covering herself with the thin sheet. Her eyes widened slightly as he began to undress purposefully not turning his back to her. He sighed as he edged himself into the slightly cramped tub. She rose from the bed tucking the sheet around her to sit at the small table.

Her eyes tried to focus on her breakfast kept darting his way. He struggled to bathe himself in a tub not meant for a person his size. Her laughter a sound he had never heard turned his head. “Do you need some help?” she asked a broad smile of delight only enhanced her features. She popped a small piece of fruit into her mouth as she knelt beside the tub. Dipping her hands into the warm water, she cupped the water to pour over his head. Then taking the tallow of soap from him, she lathered it between her small hands. She started with his hair, massaging into his scalp.

He leaned back, eyes closed as small contented moans rumbled from his throat. She giggled it was music to his ears as he looked up at her. “I’ve never heard you laugh before, it suits you,” he mused as her hands wandered to his back. Her eyes ducked timidly a slight blush spread across her cheeks.

“Your hair still curls, I wondered…” she trailed off lost in thought. Now it was his turn to blush. He secretly used a pomade to slick his curls back. Once his hair became wet, there was no taming it. “Tell me about yourself,” she inquired lathering her hands again to wash his chest.

He told her of his childhood, his dreams, and secrets. He had never felt this unguarded with anyone. Even sitting cramped in the modest tub his knees pushed almost to his chest. It was distracting to relate his life while her hands roamed his body. The water began to cool as he finished rinsing the remaining suds. He stood taking the towel from her outstretched hands. He noticed her face flushed slightly as he toweled off stepping from the tub.

She was a mystery to him, intimate yet distant at the same time. Though she did not know much of his life, most people knew her life. What was truth or fiction did tend to blur together. He supposed the loss of her parents and then raised by the Chantry could explain why she kept herself closed off. He could only imagine how most others might treat her as if she were Andraste come back to life. She already a legend, yet her story still not complete.

Wrapping the towel around his hips, he picked at the remains of breakfast. Turning he caught a glimpse of her nude body as she lowered herself into the tub. “I can get you fresh hot water,” he stood to find his clothes.

“It’s fine, I don’t mind,” she assured him dipping her head back to wet her hair. He felt so awkward all of a sudden trying to not stare too openly. Her exposed breasts resting just above the water. He wanted to sit beside her and wash her as she had him. However, she seemed to have a handle on it. He pulled on his small clothes and pants feeling more solid, less vulnerable.

“I forgot I have a letter for you from Leliana in my pack.” Walking over to his saddle pack, he found the letter still sealed and placed it on the wooden table. He quickly fussed with his hair turning his back to her. Brushing his pomade that smelled of elderflowers quickly through his tresses. He was buttoning up his white undershirt turning at the sound of water moving. His breath caught his in chest as he froze taking in her beauty.

“Could you hand me that towel?” She queried pointing toward the towel drying on the chair. Nervously he reached for it knocking the chair to the ground in his haste. As he approached her he noticed her own scars numerous as his own. Holding out the towel he swallowed hard still somewhat dazed until he found her eyes. He wanted to take her again here and now, his pants seeming tighter all of a sudden.

She stepped from the tub the towel wrapped snug around her body. She went up on her toes and kissed him tenderly a small sigh escaping. “I would very much like to spend the rest of this day in bed with you.” She sighed caressing his cheek her thumb outlining his lower lip. “But the rest of my troop will be up soon.” Her mouth pursed in frustration then spread to a slow smile.

She reached up and ran a hand over his hair. He almost jerked back afraid but she only finger combed a piece back to into place. “What will they think of me?” he asked looking down into her face. She stepped back taking Leliana’s letter from the table to break the seal.

“You will get along fine. You are a Commander like me, they will respect that. All except Oghren, he…well you will see. Ignore Callis, he dislikes most people especially attractive men,” Iona explained reading over the letter. “Just as I thought, all answers point to Tevinter.” She folded the letter putting it in her small pack. Finding her small clothes, she untied the towel to wrap around her hair. He sat at the window seat watching her dress.

“What else is in Tevinter?” he wondered aloud while he captured her image in his mind for later. He knew he should not stare but soon she would be gone and all he would have were these memories. Dressed in her under armor attire she let down her hair. Finding her own brush, she combed in long slow strokes.

“I will need someone who can help me physically enter the Fade. Have you ever heard of a Dreamer?” she inquired looking his way, he shook his head. “They can manipulate the Fade. The last I knew he was with an Elven clan near Sundermount but Leliana’s letter says Hawke understood he traveled to Tevinter.” Setting down her brush, she crossed the room to sit beside him. “I’m glad you are coming with us to Jader.”

She still appeared shy and uncertain as if at any moment he would walk out of the room. Unaware that he was utterly under her spell. No matter what happened in the past or future she was the one and only person for him. He felt that deeply and without a doubt. He pulled her into his lap wrapping his arms around her. She squealed with delight and surprise as he planted sensual kisses along her neck.

He moved to her warm lips kissing lightly enjoying the sensation. Their kiss deepened but quickly interrupted by a knock at the door. “Sorry, Commander. Everyone is ready except I can’t wake Oghren,” a female voice called from the other side of the door. Iona sighed lifting off his lap to stand up.

“Coming,” she called tucking her hair behind her ears. “Would you mind getting those buckets?” she asked pointing to the empty buckets beside the tub.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sea of Love - Lily & Madeleine

It only took three buckets until Oghren finally sat up sputtering in anger. His auburn hair and braided beard drenched in water. Callis had an Orlesian look with freshly styled blonde hair. He looked slightly ill but awake refusing breakfast and throwing sullen glances towards Cullen. Iona calling out orders they were to meet in the stables in an hour’s time. Galen eyed Cullen suspiciously but seemed to accept his presence. They both tripped back up the stairs to armor themselves and gather supplies.

While she set out food for Galen, they helped each other with their armor. It was almost a dance between the two of them. Small secret smiles widened their faces, happy to have extra pair of hands. Galen sat watching them his head tilted to one side. Cullen went down to one knee just in front of him. She held her breath; Galen small nub of a tail started a slow wag. He padded closer to Cullen who held out his hand as a greeting. Sniffing at Cullen’s hand Galen looked to her as she nodded. Galen flipped onto his back as Cullen petted at his chest and belly. “I think he likes me,” Cullen the boyish excitement in his voice tugged at her heart.

“Take it as a compliment, he is very selective.” Her companion of many years was almost too protective at times. She trusted her hound’s judgement over almost anyone else’s. “Galen would you like to play catch with Cullen?” she enquired picking up her worn pack.

Watching the two of them play outside of the stables brought her such joy. To anyone watching you would think Galen was his dog. Cullen tried to trick him pretending to throw a stick but Galen just stared undeterred then stomped his paws excitedly. Laughter burst from her lips at Galen’s anxious expression. Everything seemed brighter more alive with him around. Seeing her fellow Wardens make their way to the stables she whistled to Galen.

“Hope everyone is well rested.” Her look lingered on Oghren who seemed to sway slightly. “Commander Cullen Rutherford from the Inquisition brought word that Feynriel is in now in Ventus. He will accompany us as far as Jader where we will book passage to Cumberland. Any questions?” She looked at each person in turn, only Galen barked eagerly. She introduced each Grey Warden to Cullen. Callis the only one to ignore Cullen outstretched hand in greeting. “Let’s head out then.”

They set a casual pace her companions noticeably interested in Cullen. Traveling with horses it was easier to double up with the dwarves. Normally they would journeyed on foot. On the road, they encountered a desperate farmer selling the horses. The price was reasonable and they made better time on horseback.

Galdrin drew close Sigrun tucked neatly in front of her. She glanced back at Cullen who was speaking with Oghren. “He is quite handsome, for a human. Strange the Inquisition should send such an important envoy to deliver a message.” Galdrin mused giving her a knowing look. She knew this would be a tricky situation to traverse.

“We know each other from my Circle,” Iona explained hoping that might put an end to the questions.

“You don’t look like a mage,” Sigrun chimed in directing her remark at Cullen. 

“I don’t?” Cullen replied playfully arching an eyebrow. “You are correct. I used to be a Templar assigned to Iona’s Circle.”

“Do tell us about Iona before she joined the Wardens. Was she always so serious?” Galdrin wondered sarcastically while smirking in Iona’s direction.

“Well…honestly she was painfully shy at times. She kept to herself, somewhat a loner. Meaning she did not seek anyone’s approval. She used to draw a lot back then, always sketching in the back of the library. Do you still draw?” Cullen questioned from behind her. She did not turn around as her face flushed pink.

“Sometimes…” she offered, struck that he was that aware of her even back then.

“Are you still a Templar?” Sigrun pondered unable to look behind her still catching Iona’s reddened face.

“No, I left to join the Inquisition after the rebellion in Kirkwall. When I was young, I thought as a Templar I would be protecting people. It was very different from what it turned out to be…” Cullen trailed off lost in thought. She caught his gloomy expression slowing her horse to be at his side.

“You did protect people. At Kirkwall and even more so now with the Inquisition,” Iona consoled thinking back to her time at the Circle. She had noticed several of the other Templars leering and making lascivious comments about the female mages. Cullen never joined in but rather spoke up and put a stop to it. She kept that to herself but caught his warm smile directed at her. Her heart fluttered as she tried to catch her breath.

“All this greenery is making me sick,” Oghren complained spitting onto the ground.

“I want to know all about this Inquisitor. Is she as beautiful as they say?” Galdrin speculated dreamily they crossed a bridge. Cullen told them all about the Inquisition starting and meeting Ellana Lavellan. As he finished describing the fall of Corypheus, Oghren began to snore loudly.

“Callis can you scout ahead for spot to camp?” Iona requested seeing the sun just about to set. Grudgingly he nodded, bolting forward to Oghren’s loud dismay. Cullen offered to tend to the horses while they set up camp. Tents pitched and a fire started she gladly liberated herself of her armor.

Galdrin had caught three rabbits while traveling. She set them beside Sigrun who added more wood to the growing fire. Callis still wearing a moody expression sat polishing his sword. Oghren already in his cups sat drinking watching Cullen and Galen cavort. Galen barked happily running small circles around Cullen who held a stick ready to throw.

Cullen reared back then threw the stick impressively far. She stepped up beside him watching Galen sprint after it. He discreetly took her hand in his the gesture speeding her pulse. Galen came bounding back his stick clutched firmly between his teeth. He dropped it at their feet grinning proudly. Both their attentions drawn by a raised voice.

“Don’t you all see the way she looks at him? I certainly do not want a repeat of what happened at Starkhaven. That lovesick noble got a taste then followed us for days until Galdrin let a couple of arrows fly his way.” Callis complained loudly not caring or unaware everyone could hear him.

“Let the boss have some fun. It’s not her fault she is a little heart breaker,” Oghren sputtered seeing Iona’s humiliated expression. “Sorry boss...”

Her cheeks flushed in anger and then embarrassment as she looked around at each person’s face. Turning on the spot, she stomped through the dim woods. The moon just bright enough to light her way, tears clouding her vision. Muttering under her breath, she came to a small opening in a field. The ruins of an abandoned home lay in the center. All that remained a low brick wall foundation.

She sat atop the ledge of the wall letting her feet dangle off. Corbinian Vael heir to throne of Starkhaven relentless in his attentions. After a night of heavy drinking, she finally gave into his advances. She regretted it at once leaving the next day with her troupe. Somehow, he tracked them down shouting proposals of marriage.

She knew Callis resentment stemmed from his infatuation of her. It was one thing to have a one-night stand with a handsome stranger. She could never give herself to someone who might expect anything more than just sex. Most people did not even see her as a person just someone they want to possess or brag about. The snap of a stick underfoot broke her musing.

Cullen stood at the edge of the wood, shadows hiding his expression. He stepped closer the moon light outlining his features. Her stomach clenched the effect he had on her maddening. Standing in front of her, she looked up into his amber eyes. “I…sorry, you heard that,” she mumbled looking down again.

He put a single finger underneath her chin forcing her head back to meet his eyes. “You have nothing to apologize for. I have no false delusions about you. I am no Chantry brother either.” A soft smile teased his lips.

“I’ve never felt this happy or out of control in my life. And it scares me,” She rested her forehead against his, exhilarated but nervous how she felt in this moment. He smelled wonderful even after a days ride. Leather and something sweet almost floral she could not quite place. His adept hands rubbed comforting up and down her back. She sighed sitting back, the wall giving her a slight height advantage.

“It should scare you. I think that means it is real. We found each other after everything. I don’t mean to lose you again.” His hands moved down to rest on her thighs. She leaned down cupping the back of his neck to bring his lips to hers. Warm and soft his eager tongue already parting her lips. His rough hands slipped up under her shirt caressing her naked skin. His mouth moved down her neck to taste her flesh.

His hand found her breasts pulling down her breast band. She ached for his touch, his hands felt like they were everywhere. He raised her shirt kissing down her taut stomach. Removing her boots his fingers slipped into her waistband pulling her pants away with her small clothes. Her body stiffened watching as he lowered his head between her legs.

He looked up at her as lifted one leg kissing gently along the inside her thigh. Her breath caught in anticipation and anxiety. He kissed her below as if it was her lips. The touch of his tongue a small groan escaped her lips. Her back bowed shuddering from the way his hungry mouth explored her. She had never allowed herself to be so exposed, vulnerable. Her past experiences always rushed and to the point.

Her hands gripped at the smooth stones underneath her. She fought herself to not let go but strangely, she forgot why. Jolts of pleasure radiated at her core crying out her release. She blinked slowly swallowing hard trying to remember how to breathe. Finally, his face came into focus, he grinned very pleased with himself.

Kissing back up the length of her body. His hands buried into her hair pulling her closer to his kiss. Her fingers fumbled at his pants in her haste. They gave way so she could feel the firm smoothness of him. She worked him with her hand her mouth drawing out small sighs from him. He gripped her hips as she guided him into the warm depths of her body. The width of him fought her tight wetness until he filled her completely. Finally her body and heart opened completely to him.

She pulled at his shirt bringing it over his head to fall to the forest floor. The heat of his skin met her own. Agonizingly he eased himself slowly in and out. His hands delicately cupping her face to kiss her gently. He took his time losing himself in the feel of her body. She held onto him as another wave began to build within her. His mouth fed off her cries pulling back to watch her reach her peak.

Those eyes, which haunted her, brought her repeatedly. She clung to his broad shoulders trembling with want. He soon followed spilling himself within her. Holding each other, they stared at one another as if it would all vanish in an instant. She shivered the night air-cooling their fevered skin.

“I do…love you. You asked me back at the Inn but I could not say it then. If I don’t tell you I know I will regret it.” Her fingers sketched along his jaw line. “It’s always been you.” His eyes soften at her words. He swallowed heavily before he spoke.

“Whatever this is…it was worth waiting for.” Untangling themselves they redressed, Cullen shaking leaves off his undershirt. She spied a small spider climbing the back of this shirt as he struggled in the dark.

“Don’t move,” she requested batting of spider off him. He yelped brushing the same spot continuously while jumping around then trying to maintain his dignity. “It was just a spider.” Laughing at the panic still clear on his face.

“I hate spiders…” he mumbled under his breath shivering at the thought. “Let’s go back.” They walked hand in hand through the woods until spotting a distant light guiding them back to camp. Only Galdrin, Sigrun, and Galen sat by the fire.

“I am going to clean up then I’ll join you,” She whispered heading off to her tent.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, That's No Way to Say Goodbye - Leonard Cohen

Cullen seated himself on a large rock beside the fire. Galen woofed moving to sit by his side. He reached out and patted him on the back. “Is she alright?” Sigrun asked handing him a plate of roasted meat.

“She’s fine, a little embarrassed. Just a wild guess, Callis has a thing for her. I can tell he is not happy that I am here occupying her attention.” He mused in between bites looking to her companions.

“Poor guy never stood a chance. She does not laugh often. I think that is what truly bothered him.” Galdrin revealed stoking the fire.

“I knew it might be awkward me tagging along. I just wanted more time with her,” He explained staring at the flickering flames of the fire.

“Most people see the legend, not the real person that she is. They all idolize her and everyone wants a piece of her. You knew her before she was a Warden or the Hero of Ferelden. I always thought there was someone in her past. I would catch her sometimes with an odd expression staring into her notebook,” Sigrun acknowledged making eye contact with him. “I think it’s time we all got some rest. Will you bring this to Iona, she forgets to eat sometimes.”

Sigrun handed Cullen the remaining plate of food. They both stood then walked towards their tent. Sigrun whistled sharply, Galen shot forward kicking up dust to chase after them. Cullen put out the fire then made his way to her tent pitched to the far side of the camp. When he entered she looked up startled hanging up her small clothes. Every time he saw her, it was as if he was seeing her for the first time.

He noticed she bit her lip, he wondered what that was about. How could she possibly be shy after being so intimate? He hesitated feeling slightly self-conscious as well. He thought about what Sigrun had said, the real her. Even he had replaced the person he knew with the tales of her glory. He remembered that frightened girl from the Circle. Could she be scared to finally allowed herself to trust another person? 

“Is that for me?” she asked looking at the plate in his hands.

“Er…well…yes,” He thrust the plate towards her as she took it gingerly. Not sure what to do he stood rigid in the center of the tent. She sat down on her bedroll and began to eat. Taking off his boots, he removed his shirt. Her eyes following him as walked over to the basin of water. Cleaning the dirt and dust from the road, he toweled off his back to her.

“Galen?” she wondered aloud suddenly standing next to him to wash her hands.

“Sleeping with Sigrun and Galdrin tonight, they retired already. We should reach Jader tomorrow…” He winced; he did not want to remind her that this would be their last night together. Stepping out of his pants, he laid them out next to her clothes. He reclined on the bedroll beckoning her over. “Tell me again the plan after you cross the Waking Sea.”

Turning out the light he listened to her voice as she described the places she would travel. She used his body as a map drawing out her journey. He fell asleep somewhere around Nevarra. Waking the next morning he could tell by the light it was the beginning of dawn. He had wrapped himself around her; her lithe body spooned on the inside of his. She felt like a key into a lock they just fit.

If it were up to him, he would take her away to a place no one had ever heard of her. Marry her in a small ceremony, spend his days growing old and having children. He knew from reading out Grey Wardens that having children was a slim possibility. However, each time he took her he wished that his seed would ripen within her. A way to tie them together. He knew it was a fantasy but that did not stop his mind from playing it over in his head.

The best he could hope for, stolen days and nights. A future between them was not a promise he could keep. They both knew the dangers of their roles. The lives they led were not their own, duty came first. He would not make her feel guilty or remind her of how short their time together was.

He woke her with whispered desires and soft caresses. Taking her silently as possible, covering her mouth with kisses to quiet her. The need in her eyes almost heart breaking as he watched her lose herself. Captivated he was the one who could provide her with such pleasure. He could have sworn he saw lightening flash across her storm cloud colored eyes. He buried his head into the crook of her neck as they both came together.

She turned to face him as they lay side by side. “I wonder what you would look like with a beard. Ruggedly handsome though it would hide that delicious scar.” She leaned forward and kissed it while he tried not smile too hard.

“Is that an order, Commander?” He asked wrapping a dark lock of hair around his finger. “Don’t you think it would tickle too much?” He rubbed his stubble against her cheek. She laughed slapping at him playfully. The sound of scratching then a low whimper emanated from the tent opening.

“Galen we will be right out.” She rolled her eyes looking over at him. She pressed her lips to his then smacked his rear end playfully. “I think he is beginning to like you more than me.” He lay back watching as she cleaned then began to dress. She brushed out her hair humming to herself. He could not get enough of her wanting to grab her about the waist and take her once more.

She caught his look smiling knowingly while shaking her head. “Grab a bite before we hit the road. I need to speak with the group, if you could give me a moment.” She kissed him once, twice, then a third time before opening the tent to leave.

He stretched lazily then stood up to splash water onto his face. Feeling the growth of stubble, he made a mental note of her preference of a beard. Taking his time he dressed then stepped out in the bright light of the day. He hung back hearing the irritation in Iona’s voice.

“I appreciate the apology. It is none of your business who I am involved with. We have a mission to focus on; we need to be of one mind if we are going to find answers. No more sulking, am I clear?” She instructed, Galen barked seeing Cullen.

Happily trotting over to him, his tail waving in welcome. They all turned around looking at him with a myriad of expressions. He approached cautious of the strained mood.

“Ah. Yep. Lots of tension around here this morning,” Oghren broke the silence tossing Cullen an apple. “Know what I do to relive tension?”

“I would like to keep my breakfast in my stomach, thank you,” Galdrin complained scowling at the dwarf. “Callis would you help me with the tent?” Callis threw a sheepish look at the group before joining.

“Let’s get going the sooner we leave the sooner I can find the tavern,” Oghren muttered hefting his axe over his shoulder.

Traveling together once again Iona recounted the time she found Andraste’s Ashes. Oghren making sure to point out that they had to strip to their underwear. Oghren was sure his beard would catch on fire stepping through the fire of the final test. They met strangers on the road also traveling the Jader. His mind a buzz as he tried to pay attention to the conversions around him.

She kept throwing concerned glances over her shoulder at him. He tried to bolster his spirits reminding himself to be grateful for these last couple of days. Torn between so many emotions as they journeyed closer to Jader. Soon the hill crested showing the small sea town laid before them. They split into smaller groups dividing plans. Callis and Galdrin would find a buyer for their horses. Sigrun and Oghren in charge of buying supplies for the voyage. Iona, Galen, and Cullen walked to the wharf to purchase passage to Cumberland.

The city was alive and crowded but parted easily for Iona in her Grey Warden armor. He tried to keep the worry and sadness from his face but he knew his eyes would give him away. Iona paid the ferry leaving in an hour for her small troupe. They walked along the docks quiet in contemplation. He tugged at her arm to stop her. Her eyes struggled to meet his; he could see that she was just as troubled by their parting.

“I know…” He wrapped her up in his arms kissing the top of her head. “Let’s steal a boat and sail away together. Can’t you see us pirates on the open sea?” He joked her body shaking with laughter. “Write me when you can. If anyone can find the answers, it is you. This is not good bye, not for us, not yet.” Looking down into her eyes as they brimmed with unshed tears.

She went up on her tiptoes to meet his kiss. “I have something for you. You must promise me you will not open it until we leave though,” She pulled a small book worn and faded from her pack slung over her shoulder. He turned it over in his hands then tucked it inside his robe.

“I promise. Oh…since we are trading gifts. He offered a small tin placing it in her hands. She looked puzzled prying at the lid. “It’s not much but you mentioned you liked the smell. It’s the pomade I use on my hair.” He smiled bashfully as she inhaled the cream.

“It’s elderflowers, isn’t it?” She beamed finally recognizing the scent.

“You guessed it, I won’t need it anymore. I think it’s time I embraced my curls and as I recall you liked them as well.” He offered nervously smoothing his hair. She caught his hand holding it in hers.

“Thank you, and thank Leliana for me. She is a wise woman to sense when I needed you the most.” She pressed his hand to her cheek.

“How many pairs of shoes do we owe her now?” She began to laugh but he cut it off with a kiss. He cupped the back of her head as her mouth opened to his. Breathless she molded her body to his. Pulling apart to come up for air. Galen barked pouncing at their feet.

“You are just jealous,” She tittered pulling Cullen along back to the tavern. Her crew assembled they said their farewells even Callis offering his hand this time. He stood at the dock watching them board. The ferry began to pull away he raised his hand as a sendoff. She mouthed what he knew to be I love you. He repeated it back his heart in his throat. Staring at her image until they were specks on the horizon he pulled out her gift.

Opening the small notebook, inside page after page of charcoal sketching’s. First three pages self-portraits of her wearing apprentice robes. He recognized Owain the tranquil at the Circle his dead eyes and expressionless face. The next page Irving resplendent in his enchanter robes. Then one of him in his Templar armor solemn, looking down at his feet. Some were more detailed, others just bit and pieces. His eyes colored in exquisite browns and honey golds. Different versions of his hands gloved and ungloved. His smile pulling to one side, him laughing head thrown back. There was a page torn out he fingered the rough edge. The final page an unfinished sketch of him standing watch in the library.

His heart in his throat, tears slipped down his cheeks. All those years he had never known. He remembered so clearly her hunched over a book scribbling away. She had captured him so stunningly in detail the good and bad times he had spent at the Tower. That torn page made him wonder what she had ripped out of the notebook. An unsatisfactory picture or an image she wanted to keep. He tucked the notebook back into the depths of his robes. Not wiping the tears he shed he let them dry all the way back to Skyhold.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're Somebody Else - Flora Cash

Cullen,

I hope Leliana’s birds are adept at this distance. I found the altar mentioned in Avernus's research. Mythal’s image is everywhere. Galdrin is still interpreting the murals but it has something to do with Mythal, Titans, and the elves. Seems the elves were mining lyrium from the Titans. Then they sealed the Titans up with stones and magic. We ran into a nest of deepstalkers outside of Churneau. We plan to reach Tevinter in the next couple of weeks. I will write once we figure out where we are going next. I hope you are well. Staying busy, I suppose like myself. When my mind wanders, it gets lost in thoughts of you. Each time I open the tin you gave me Galen whines, I think he misses you too. Maker’s Breath, I hope no one but you reads this. 

Always Yours,

Iona

In the corner of the letter a small sketch of Galen. His eyes sad with longing a large stick clenched between his teeth. He breathed a little easier knowing she made it safe across the Sea. There was no way to get word to her but he and Leliana were able to send a message to Morrigan. Whether she would help Iona or not, yet to be known. He read her letter twice more then slid it in her notebook he carried with him everywhere. Drumming his fingers on his large desk, he bolted up out of his seat. The urge to hit something overwhelming, the practice yard calling his name.

Cullen,

Thank you for sending word to Morrigan. She appeared last night while camping near Hasmal. The advice she gave me fills me with dread. I would need a great deal of power to tear down the barriers and walk the Fade in the flesh. She suggested a place that has seen great blood shed would be the best place to enter. The Veil is thin in such places like battlefields or other sites of violence. I have an idea but the thought of going back there it is something I need to think over. We are a few days from Minrathous, Tevinter is much different than I expected. The closer I get to the truth the more afraid I feel. I have been through far worse and came out the other side. When I feel afraid, I try to imagine us as pirates sailing across the world. It always makes me smile.

Love,

Iona

Cullen,

I feel like I am writing to myself. I do not even know if these letters find their way to you. We had a bit of trouble in Minrathous, but do not worry. We made it out just in time. Short story, I may have a small bounty on my head. Good news is we found Feynriel. He has agreed to help us though I suspect he only said yes to travel with Galdrin. He is quite taken with her and there is less talk of us over the campfire. I have been agonizing over where we head next. All signs point to one place, Kinloch Hold. The Tower has twice been the site of devastation. The supply of lyrium there combined with what the relic we found should be enough for me to enter the Fade. It should take us at least a month before we are back in Ferelden. It is too much to ask that you to meet us there. Should I make a quick trip to Skyhold? Unless you think that is unwise. Perhaps it might be best to not big deal of this. If you do not get this message, I will leave a letter with Sigrun for you.

Regards,

Iona

Regards? Endless questions raced threw his mind. She doubted herself again he could feel that reading her words. It had been months since he had last seen her but his feelings never wavered. The thought of going back to the Tower though made him feel sick. Taking deep breathes until the wave of nausea passed. He would not allow this place to cause him this much fear. He needed to be there for her, just as she had been there for him. Snapping up her letter, he rushed to gather up traveling supplies.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Running Home to You - Grant Gustin

Entering Kinloch Hold set her back in time. She remembered the first time setting foot inside the fortified walls. The sound of the doors shutting behind her made her want to scream. The tower abandoned since the Circle fell. She wondered where Templars and mage had scattered. Callis led them through the halls a lit torch in one hand his sword in the other. She kept expecting old faces to appear out of the darkness. Her heart beat the only sound besides the echo of their footsteps.

The library opened up to them, books scattered onto tables and the floors. Cobwebs and dust clinging to every item. “The next floor is the Senior Mage quarters. We can rest there and explore tomorrow,” Iona informed her group moving slowly from room to room.

“Makes me wish we would have camped by the docks, right gang?” Oghren jested though his voice sounded strained with dread. They found the mage quarters easily then locked and barricaded themselves in. They all spread out to find a bed to claim. By happenstance, she found her old assigned bed given to her after her Harrowing. Taking off the dusty bedding, she lay down listening to the whispered voices of her companions.

She should have never sent that letter. The ride to Skyhold would only take a day but she tossed that idea aside. Her letters always one-sided, not that he could write to her if he wanted to anyways. Feelings change after such a long separation. Truly she did not want to say goodbye, it was not fair to him or her. Just let their time together be the lasting image to carry her through the Fade. She turned onto her side with a sigh and fell asleep.

The next morning they thoroughly searched the Tower. After taking care of the resident spiders and relighting all the hallways. She was covered head to toe in cobwebs and dust. Making her way outside to the shore of Lake Calenhad. Stripping to her small clothes she dove below the water. How many times had she longed to swim in this lake? Catching glimpses from the rare windows looking out from the Tower. Stepping from the lake, she lay down in the grass letting the water soaking into the earth underneath her. Closing her eyes, she let the heat from the sun warm her body. Twisting her fingers into the long blades of grass feeling their cool touch.

Dressing she looked up at the tower taking a steadying breath and walked back inside. Feynriel had found a hidden room with stashed phylacteries. He purposed they use them to add more power to aide her ascent through the Fade. Alone she walked back down to the library. Looking through the books she faintly heard her name. Turning slowly she dropped the book in her hand. Cullen looked phantom like, pale and angry.

A mop of golden curls made her think she had stepped back in time. Then she noticed a thick growth of a beard covering his face, confirming he was truly here. She stepped back afraid of…everything. The look in his eye, how her heart leapt to see him. Especially that he had come all this way to this nightmare just to see her once more. “Where you just going to leave?” His voice thick with emotion.

She tried to find the words but faltered. Seeing how hurt he appeared she swallowed hard and stepped forward. “I thought it would be easier…each day away from you felt more like a dream. I didn’t want you to have to come back here.” Unable to hold herself back any longer she threw herself into his arms. Hating herself for how much she needed him. All those months away she tried to convince herself that he would be better off. What it may do to him if she could not come back. Now seeing how miserable he looked she gave in again.

Clinging to him, she felt the pressure of his lips kiss the top of her head. She looked up into his face regarding the changes. “You grew a beard,” she said pleased, it was a darker than the curls from his head. He had grown out his hair as well, golden curls just above his eye level. She sighed taking in his beauty even at a time, as this he was able to make her forget the trial ahead of her.

“Do you like it?” Cullen asked smiling down at her. It warmed her to see that she could wipe away the sadness she had seen just moments before.

“I love it...you look so dreamy and rugged at the same time.” She yearned for the feel of his lips. Interested to find out how his beard felt like against her skin. Instead, she delicately touched one of his flaxen curls.

Oghren coughed loudly distracting her attention. He tried to keep his eyes on his boots “Sorry to interrupt boss. You want me to sod off so you and goldie locks can have a roll?”

“A roll?” She asked then blushed comprehending his meaning. Cheeks flushing she threw a book in his direction. “We will be up in a moment.” She turned back to Cullen trying to hide her reddened face. “Are you going to be alright being here?”

“I’m here and I’m not leaving. Tell me what you have been up to.” He drew her along holding her hand tightly. They walked the halls they once called their home. She could tell by the way he clenched his jaw he was uncomfortable. She had felt the same coming back here, memories came unbidden. He seemed to relax listening to her adventures in Nevarra and Tevinter. Entering the main hall an excited yelp echoed off the walls.

Galen scampered into view, yipping and jumping around Cullen in a frenzied circle. He finally knelt down to pet him smiling at the warm welcome. “I brought you something,” he said looking through his bag. “It’s a horn from a Red Hart.” He tossed it up in the air as Galen snatched it deftly between his teeth. Taking his new prize, he sauntered off his small nub wagging.

“Come say hello to everyone, then I’ll show you what we have been working on,” She beckoned him into the heart of the main hall. Her unit sat together at a large table eating and talking. Galen sprawled out into front of the blazing fire. She introduced their newest addition Feynriel to Cullen. A tall man with elven like features. Long blonde hair pulled back from his face in a lose ponytail. Each greeted him welcome; Callis offered his hand first this time.

“I’m going to show him around. We will run through it tomorrow and make sure everyone is ready.” Their faces tightened with worry but acknowledged her order. Reaching the fourth floor, she could sense rather than see his distress. “I put up protective spells on each floor with Feynriel’s help. Did you want to see the set up in the Harrowing Chamber?”

He stopped abruptly tugging on her harshly their hands still interlocked. Staring at a spot, she followed his gaze. Locked up in a memory he pulled his eyes away to focus on her. “That is where I thought I lost it, when I thought I had killed you. I remember you falling and that’s when I broke.” His voice gruff as if each word caught in his throat.

“It’s alright, I’m here…” Touching his shoulder, she turned him away from that nightmarish vision. She could see the panic rise in his eyes as she cupped his cheek. His beard surprisingly soft, close cropped against her fingers. “Come with me.” He turned back to look back once more but followed.

Opening a nearby door, she stepped inside candles burned on a bedside table. “This was my room,” He recognized turning to her in confusion. The dust and cobwebs that clung to most of the rooms absent here. She stopped by the neatly made bed still holding his hand.

“Just as that chamber haunts you, this room is where I said my last goodbye to you. I knew that spell would erase what happened to you and every image of me. I knew in that moment I lost you…” He stopped her words with his lips. Warm urgent kisses as she parted to the passion of his tongue. Stroking, insistent his body shaped to hers. His beard did not tickle but felt rough against her skin.

He pulled back with a shaky laugh. “You never lost me. I know you think you will not make it back. I cannot think that way; you will find a way I know it. It’s not over for us.” Silent tears coursed down her cheeks as he brushed them away. “You believe me don’t you?”

She nodded wanting to believe every word. Deep within her heart though she still had doubt. She had faced worse odds and had come through victorious. Before though she had nothing to lose. Looking up into the need in his eyes, she saw all that she might lose forever. Slowly and with eyes only for each other, they undressed each other.

In the flickering of the soft candlelight, they stood naked before each other. He swept her hair aside revealing the elegant curve of her neck. His roughed hands on either side of her face tilted her head to reach his lips. Her hands played along the length of his arms to his chest. Drawing him slowly to the nearby bed. Turning him, she guided him backward as she settled herself atop him.

His deft hands running up and down her back. Slipping lower to clutch her ass, squeezing gently as she moved her body in small circles. Her mouth moved lower kissing his chest then down his muscled abs. She took him in her hand stroking softly. Nipping at the hollow dip just beside his hip bone. His hands buried in her hair sweeping it to one side.

Looking up the long line of his body, she licked her lips with anticipation. His eyes burning with desire as he watched her lips close around him. Her eager mouth sucked hard drawing groans of pleasure. She savored the silky smoothness of him pulsing with each descent. As she took a breath, he drew her up beside him.

His roughened hand ran along the inside of her thighs. His fingers found her slick as they slid inside of her. He slowly built that rising heat within her that burst into flames. She strained upward to his meet his mouth the warmth of his tongue caressing her own. Unable to savor the moment he moved himself above her. As he rocked into her a deep moan tore from her throat. Her skin tingled with arousal, flushed with desire.

Finding that sensitive spot at the crook of her neck he sucked. One hand buried in her hair the other bracing her shoulder. His hips pumping in time with her own wild efforts. She ached for him all those nights alone with only memories of his touch. Relentless in his movements her cries reached an apex. Looking down she watched the grace of their bodies joined.

She felt out of control grasping at his hips to bring him deeper. Her nails digging into his skin with her climax. A final thrust as he raced to meet her end. Panting she looking up into his starling honey colored eyes. She had dreamt of this but it never felt this incredible. She smiled imagining tying him to this bed using him whenever her need arose.

Propped up by the pillows he leaned up against the headboard. His hair slightly tousled pink spots still visible on his cheeks and chest. He looked heavenly even more so from those early years. “Would you let me sketch you like this?” She probed her eyes downcast, smiling shyly.

“If you’d like…” His smile pulled to one side as he tried not to fuss with his hair. She jumped up from the bed grabbing her notebook and a sharpened charcoal stick. Falling back into the bed, she positioned herself at the other end. “That reminds me, the book you gave me in Jader. There was a page torn out.”

She ducked her head as hands flew furiously trying to capture his image. Her eyes darted from him to the page her fingers smudging the charcoal here and there. “It was my favorite picture until right now.” She grinned tilting her head to one side to study him.

“Can I see it?” He asked watching her work but unable to see what she had captured. She took out a folded worn page hidden within the same notebook. Handing it to him, he unfolded it reviewing the sketch. An image of him in his Templar armor leaning down with his hand outstretched. She had drawn it from memory when she had first met him.

“What do you think?” She moving up beside him to show him the drawing. He peered down at the page seemingly impressed with her swift skills. In her drawing, he lay back the blankets covering his lower torso. She even managed to capture a palpable heat from his gaze.

“They don’t look like the same people.” He acknowledged looking at both images side by side. She tucked the loose page inside the book then set it aside.

“You are and you aren’t. I have a favor to ask you,” She moved closer to rest her head against his shoulder. “When I leave they shouldn’t stay here. I will need to find another way out. I was wondering if they could go back to Skyhold with you.”

He tilted her face up with his fingertips to gage her expression. “Of course. I don’t want you to worry about them or me. You focus on getting back with answers.” He could tell she was still anxious as she swallowed nervously. “I could become a Grey Warden…” He joked smiling but stopped midsentence as her head snapped up quickly horror filling her face.

“Don’t ever joke about that! I don’t want that life for you. Do you think the Templars are any different from Grey Wardens? I knew Clarel before Erimond poisoned her mind. What she did…” She shook her head rubbing her arms. He moved closer placing an arm firmly around her.

“I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry. I just meant that we would be able to spend more time together. I know only a small percent even make it through the Joining. But if you could find a cure to the Calling, wouldn’t that mean a new life for you as well.” He wondered aloud brushing her hair out of her face. She tried to empty the worry from her expression. Catching his hand, she held it in between hers.

“I don’t know what the future will bring. What would I do if I was not a Grey Warden?” She smiled imaging a future, not destined for the Deep Roads.

“Are you kidding? I can think of loads of things you could do. An artist, writer, or a teacher the possibilities are endless. Speaking of the future…” He rolled from the bed to his discarded clothes. She watched him with interest appreciating his naked form. “I had to tell the Inquisitor why I was leaving for a few days. We were talking about you. She cannot wait to meet you by the way and trade stories. Anyways I was struggling to match your gift you gave me in Jader.”

He turned a sly smile turning up the corner his mouth. Settling beside her his eyes bounced around the room. “Ellana told me of a tradition with her clan.” He opened his closed fist revealing a silver band engraved with interlocking vines and leaves. “The Dalish exchange promise rings when they intend to marry. The band is blessed by the tribe’s Keeper to ensure a long, healthy life.”

“Warden’s do not marry…” She traced the circle of the ring looking up into his eyes.

“I love you, Iona. This ring is a promise to love you no matter where you are. In the Fade, at Weisshaupt, or the Deep Roads. I hope that one day we can exchange this promise for a vow. Until that day I promise to love you, always.” He slipped the band onto her ring finger. Tears of happiness streamed down her face admiring her newly decorated hand.

She kissed him with abandon, peppering his face as he laughed. It was a strange new feeling, hope. Knowing what her future might be, could be, if she succeeded. More than ever now, she wanted it not just for him but herself. “You win. I could never give you a gift that could possibly compare.”

“Just come back to me,” He whispered into her hair holding her close.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rhiannon - Fleetwood Mac

Iona stood in the center of the Harrowing Chamber reviewing the set up. “I will need to close the tear once I step inside. Feynriel will be helping me traverse the Fade. Once I am able to reach the Black City, I am not sure what will happen. I doubt I will be able to re-enter at the same point.” She sighed tugging at her armor nervously. “We need to be prepared if this does not go as planned. The power that we are using is a one-way trip. If I cannot make it back or have to find another way back, you all cannot stay here. There are two options; one is to go back to Weisshaupt. The First Warden will need to know the outcome and then allocate you to your new unit. The other option is to go back to Skyhold with Commander Rutherford. The Inquisition has many sources that you may be able to use. Any questions?”

Her companions looked at one another the tension palpable. “Hey there broody. No one thought we could stop the Blight either. Come on, time to get our hands dirty,” Oghren bellowed nodding to the group. Iona beckoned Cullen aside his anxiety a tight knot in his stomach.

“If they decide to go back with you, please watch over them for me.” She took both his hands in hers staring down at them. “Kiss me…” He pulled her close gently his lips meeting hers. Closing his eyes, he relished in the soft fullness of her lips. “If I don’t come back…”

“You will. You are not only the Hero of Ferelden, you are my hero. You can do this.” He demanded squeezing her hands tightly he stepped back. Galen looking worried padded over to sit at Cullen’s side. He watched as she crossed the room placing the large lyrium relic in the center. Galdrin lowered Feynriel to lay down holding his hand tightly. Iona’s hands uplifted to cast the spell as the phylacteries hovering midair then came down to crash onto the chamber floor. The blood from the vials forming a tight circle around her.

Power crackled in the air as her magic tore through the veil. Before stepping in she turned back looking at each of them in turn then crossed into the void. A heavy weight that had formed suddenly vacuumed out as she closed the veil behind her. The spot where she had been standing empty now. Galen cried out a long pitiful howl, Cullen reached out to comfort him. The rest of the group huddled around Feynriel seemingly asleep on the stone floor.

“Iona can you hear me?” Feynriel asked his eyes still closed connected to the Fade. “Good, be careful I can help when I can but you may encounter demons or spirits. Try to get as close to the Black City as you can.” Cullen joined the rest of the group listening to Feynriel talk Iona through the Fade. Sometimes he would flinch in pain or exertion. “Behind you!” He shouted throwing his arms in front of his body. His breathing calmed as he relaxed. “What are you?” The group tried to talk all at once, asking questions. Feynriel did not seem to be able to hear them. “Do you know this spirit, Iona?” His face calmed seemingly listening to the echoes of the Fade. “Can she help us?”

Cullen started pacing, looking back at the spot where she had vanished. Several more minutes passed with no noise or moments of the motionless mage. Galdrin looked more concerned as the time went on her hand never leaving his. Callis stood up walking over to Cullen clasping him on the back. They all waited in silence, anxious looks visible on each face. “Yes, I can see it. Get as close as you can.” Feynriel directed moving his hands with purpose. “I will build you a bridge. Are you ready?”

Cullen gripped the hilt of his sword straining to hear any news. Feynriel bolted upright with a gasp, sweat beaded his brow. Drawing shaky breaths, he fell into Galdrin’s arms. “What happened?” Cullen asked trying to keep the fear from his voice. Feynriel peered over Galdrin’s shoulder, horror shadowed his face.

“She’s gone…” Feynriel wiped the sweat with the sleeve of his robe. “I don’t know what happened. When she stepped off the bridge I could not sense her anymore.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Low Roar - Poznan

Taking a deep breath, she leapt onto the black solid ground. Turning she saw the bridge she crossed vanish. “Feynriel?” she hissed afraid of what might over hear her in this shadow place. Deathly silence the only reply as she tried to slow the rapid beating of her heart. Feynriel has told her that he would not be able to assist her even if she was able to reach it.

Several tall black spires rose high stretching into the distance. “Wynne?” she whispered pulling Spellweaver; part staff and dual wield sword from behind her back. A pack of spirits had circled her when suddenly a wave of power saved her from being overwhelmed. The essence took the form of Wynne right before her eyes.

Wary she had accepted the spirit’s help but now she was truly alone. Quietly she crept the sound of her footsteps echoed loudly in the deserted city. Remnants of dead roots twisted and black spoke of the greenery that might have once flourished here. All around her lay a heavy layer of scorched ash and broken rubble. The stories she amassed spoke of the horrors or glories that might lurk in the Black City. She encountered nothing, no one. Which unnerved her more than a horde of demons.

The tallest tower looming above her seemed like the best spot to start. Two large double doors sealed tightly refusing to budge barring her way. Empty fountains stood neglected beside tumbled columns scattered the streets. Giving up she searched the other abandoned structures. Curious she spied a torch glowing with strange green fire. Sheathing Spellweaver she lifted the torch in hand studying the mysteriously flames.

The only option to explore the firmly locked door. She held the torch above the intricate carvings. They were very similar to the murals they discovered in Orlais. Small symbols previously hidden simmered in the glow of the fire. Most of the knowledge she had uncovered pointed to the elves. The stories from the Chantry about the Black City though documented she never found any evidence of truth. She tried to recall the story Galdrin had told her after discovering the mural.

The Elven pantheon consisted of five gods and four goddesses. Her hands brushed the small carvings they gave way under her touch. They sprung back into place once she released them. Retrieving her notebook from her pack, she opened to the page of the creators. The sun was the all father, pushing the piece it locked into place this time. The moon Mythal, an oaken staff must be Falon’Din. Two ravens for Dirthamen and a bow for Andruil. Sylaise the symbol for fire then an anvil for June. Gilan’nain the mother of the halla and finally a wolf to represent Fen’Harel.

The fragments glowed in the strange light then a loud groan resounded. The double doors slowly pushed inward dust clouding the air. Cautiously she crossed the threshold holding the torch in one hand the other clutched Spellweaver. The cavernous chamber shadowed in darkness, she cast wisp as an additional light to aid her torch. There were several windows surrounding the great palace but no sun to reveal its past beauty.

She could tell this was once a breathtaking place but now all blackened. The center of the room endless steps led to a large throne. There were many seats carved into the throne the closer she looked. She craned her neck not willing to explore the ominous seats. The feeling in this room heavy with power and loss. Walking the perimeter stood numerous statues built into the walls. Several small braziers scattered throughout the room. The pull of magic surrounded them, she held the torch above them stunned as they flared to life.

Looking down she noticed mosaic set in tiles underneath her feet. Taking her notebook once more, she sketched the image. Several figures covered in cloaks each holding a small orb. Lighting the next brazier uncovered another mural on a nearby wall. The creature unmistakably a dragon the background showing six dragons in flight. The last brazier whooshed greedily from its light revealing an Eluvian.

A large dragon carved into the stone with the Eluvian set inside it. The tail of the dragon wrapped around its base. She set the torch into a notch beside the mirror. Sitting down in front of it, she sketched the scene. She turned the page to find a black space to draw the empty throne. The page opened to the sketch she had drawn of Cullen. His curls wild a slight smile hidden by his dark beard.

How long had she been here? Did time work differently in the Fade? She suddenly felt drained at the effort to get to the Black City. “Men’s hearts hold shadows darker than any tainted blood…” A deep voice spoke from the darkness. Startled she dropped her book while grasping at Spellweaver.

A strange light pulsed from the Eluvian as she cast a litany of protection spells. “You will hurt the ones you love the most and become what you hate in order to save what you love. It is your destiny.” The mirror vibrated with speech but no figure emerged. She recognized the voice deep rasping but undoubtingly female. “I assumed it would be another in search of redemption. I saved you once. Do you remember? Why have you come here?” The voice mused as Iona ceased casting spells.

“Flemeth?” She asked stepping closer to the mirror.

“That is one of my names, yes…” Flemeth answered her voice echoing around the chamber.

“I came for answers…what do you mean one of your names?” She asked her hand almost touching the glass.

“I came to Flemeth as a wisp as she cried out for justice. I granted her all she wanted and more. I am called many names. All mother, the protector, goddess of love. I will answer your questions if it is within my power.” The mirror throbbed with power at each word.

“Mythal…” She whispered to herself troubled but she knew the truth of it. “How did the taint begin?”

A bitter laugh rose the hairs at the back of her neck. “The Evanuris lusted for power to the point of enslaving my people. I challenged their tyranny by killing a Titan. I gave the land to the elves but the magic I used corrupted the Titan’s blood. They tried to contain the corruption but it spread becoming the blight. In their anger and greed they struck me down.”

“You…but you helped me stop the Blight. Why would you create it?” Stunned she stepped back from the mirror emitting a cold aura.

“Mishap, chance, calamity call it what you will it was not what I had intended. Regret is something I know all too well. I meant to exact justice for my people but what it set into motion…” Her voice trailed off in reflection.

“Is there any way to remove the taint that you know of?” She asked in earnest, hands clenching in anticipation.

“I will tell you what I once told the Silver Knight. Blood is ever a source of power to bind and control beings. It connects us all. The blood of dragons is the blood of the world. Blood from a Great Dragon contains many properties one of them surely can purify the taint.” Her breath caught in her throat at the prospect of a cure.

“How can I trust what you say? Why can I not see you?” She questioned aware her surroundings were the perfect environment for a demon. Mythal’s laughter swelled again creating a knot in her belly.

“Always have a backup plan. I have several, and this is one of them. I placed a small part of myself into this Eluvian. I have no form just the ethos you hear. Perhaps we can come to an arrangement. I can help you return to Thedas if you agree to liberate me from this Eluvian.” She thought over her offer, she had no plan on how to return on her own. A possible cure for the calling did her no good being trapped in the Fade.

“Let’s say I agree, what would I need to do?” She queried picking up her notebook to tuck away safely into her pack.

“Simple you will recite a spell to release me. Once it is cast the path will be open for you to travel through this Eluvian.” Iona sheathed Spellweaver hoisting her pack onto her back. She had other questions but the rising apprehension to leave this place stifled them.

“Alright, what is the spell?” She agreed dusting off her hands ready to cast.

“Repeat after me. Emma shem’nan. Ir inan lothlenan’as. Ir tel’him. Ir lasa mala revas.” Mythal’s voice swelled with magic as she spoke the strange Elven words. The mirror glowed painfully bright then suddenly she was staring at her own reflection. Stepping closer she place her outreached hand to the glass. Bitingly cold, she pressed through slowly a sensation like walking through a downpour of cold rain.

Her head felt light and slightly out of sorts as she stepped onto the other side. The air felt heavy here she kneeled trying to catch her breath. Where was she? Certainly not Thedas the magic here pressed down on her. Peering around fog hung heavily around numerous other Eluvians. Which one to choose? Gulping for air, she stumbled to the nearest mirror.

She pressed her hand against solid glass and cursed. Her head swimming she thought she saw a person on the edge of her vision. Turning she called out for help her voice choked as she struggled to breathe. The person pivoted showing recognizable tips of pointed ears, a male elf. The elf disappeared through a mirror she tried to run after him but ground felt like it was tilting sideways. Small dizzying steps she finally found the Eluvian the elf had stepped across. A familiar coldness emanated from its surface as she fell through.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waiting- Alice Boman

The last month felt like a year to Cullen. They had waited at Kinloch hold for a week before heading back to Skyhold. Silent in their grief they banded together telling their own stories of Iona. Sigrun pulled Cullen aside placing a glass vial into his open hand. They had found Iona’s phylactery among the cache hidden deep under the Tower. Iona had wanted Cullen to have it for when she did come back he might use to find her.

Each day he pulled it out from beneath his armor and clothing willing it to react. He would never give up and believe she was lost forever. As the time went on though he grew more desperate. The Wardens had made themselves useful at Skyhold. Oghren made himself at home in the Herald’s Rest. Sigrun pleased to help Dagna with her research into the taint. Feynriel and Galdrin taking over Solas rotunda in search of his whereabouts. Even Callis helping train his soldiers alongside him.

His door creaked open as he hid her phylactery against the skin of his chest. Looking up he saw the Inquisitor closing the door behind her. Large dark eyes always seemed slightly sad. Dark hair braided in small intricate elvish hairstyle. She stood arms crossed shaking her head slightly. “You need to get some more sleep.” She reached to place her hand on top of his then rethinking the action pulled away. “She wouldn’t want you to do this to yourself. Have you eaten today?”

“Yes, I think…” He rubbed his eyes and face trying to scrub away the exhaustion.

“I hate to see you this way. You must know you are chasing a ghost. We had something once; we could again if you would let me. I wish I didn’t but I still care for you.” Ellana uncrossed her arms to play nervously with her braid.

“I was upfront with you from the beginning. We were both lonely with a clear understanding between the two of us. I explained all this when I left for Kal’Hirol. I care for you, just not in that way. I am sorry if I hurt you but I cannot give you what I don’t have in me.” He said with resolve the circles under his eyes darkening. Her face twisted in sadness but she nodded her head.

“I understand, really I do. She is a lucky woman. You need to take better care of yourself though. If there is anything I can do, you just need to ask. I’m sending up some food with orders that you eat every bite.” She turned quickly to hide her fresh tears. Swiftly stalking out of the room she left his door open.

He felt terrible knowing she still held feelings for him. They were together only once; she had come back after her slipping away with Solas. She noticeably changed more than just her removed vallaslin. Her need was just as obvious as his own. He would lying to himself the main attraction, her strength reminding him of Iona. Her understanding and encouragement helping him break his addiction to lyrium. They had both agreed it was a mistake and they would move forward as friends. “Commander?” Callis asked entering his office plate in hand.

Galen followed barking happily rushing to sit at his feet. He petted his head as Callis placed the plate onto his desk. “Why don’t I take over for a day or two? I know I gave you a hard time when we first met. Trust me I know, if you stay busy you do not have time to think about her. She did the same thing for years. Always onto the next mission, the training the next bunch of recruits, it was always something. She is the Hero of Ferelden her chances are better than most.”

“I wish I never let her go. I want her here safe with me. It’s like there is this piece of myself missing. She must be running out of supplies by now. And what I am doing about it?” Cullen slammed a fist onto the table the plate jumping. He covered his face feeling the rage within him build.

“Feynriel checks every day but still no trace of her in the Fade. I take that as a good sign it means she made it. She is one of the toughest women I have ever met. She is out there I know it. I am telling you one of these days she will just show up as if nothing ever happened. And you need to be ready for that day.” Callis pushed the plate of food closer. Cullen grasped the fork forcing himself to eat. “Get some rest we will talk in the morning.”

He stopped fighting the advice deciding to accept the help. Callis exited his room closing the door behind him. Galen stayed finding his large pillow Cullen had set out for him. Circling three times, he finally settled himself comfortably. He smiled glad her crew had come back with him. He was not alone, each of them always checking in on him. They theorized, planned, deliberated on ways to find her. It all came to nothing in the end but it all gave them hope.

Finishing the food, he shoved back from the desk. Galen opening his eyes at the scrape of the chair against the floor. Cullen knelt beside his bed patting him once more. His correspondence could wait until the morning his weariness of his late nights catching up to him. Climbing the ladder to his bedroom, he set his armor on a wooden stand. He did not blow out the candle preferring to watch the shadows flicker on the wall.

The candle burned down until it snuffed out scenting the air with smoke. He slept deeply the heaviness of his anxiety slipping away. In his dream, he stumbled through a dark cavern. Lyrium glowing red thrust up from the ground. The heat of its power pulling at him as he tried to back away. His hands connected with a cool surface he turned to see a mirror. To his horror red lyrium grafted onto his skin in his reflection. His chest vibrated with the taint of the lyrium growing painfully hot.

He woke his skin covered in a thin film of sweat. The thudding of his heartbeat echoed in his ears. A slight burning still rose from his chest. Sitting up he fumbled for a match his hands shaking he lit a new candle. Looking down he felt the pulse of her phylactery as it glowed with life.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine

The Eluvian she passed through transported her to a unfamiliar Thaig. She could no longer tell how long she had wandered within the labyrinth of tunnels. She knew she was somewhere in the Deep Roads. The passageways led down endless paths at times circling back on themselves. Several packs of genlocks passed by without noticing her hiding in the shadows. Not that she could not take them, she did not want to waste her energy unless it was necessary. She had run out of food 2 days ago though thanks to her magic she could create water.

The irony of crossing through the Fade only to die in the Deep Roads was not lost on her. Just when she discovered answers only to lose them here of all places. Maybe another adventurer would stumbled upon her remains. How many times had she herself come across bones or a tattered journal?

All the dangers she had encountered, rarely was she ever alone. The overwhelming feeling of helplessness strange to her. Draining her canteen, she cast an ice spell storing it back in her pack. She knew she had to keep moving that was her only chance to find a way out. Her eyes had since adjusted to the darkness only casting a wisp light when needed. There was no time of day to mark her time spent in darkness.

Sleep only came after she could locate a hidden nook. In the dim light, she would turn Cullen’s ring nervously around her finger. A strange but welcome addition to her hand. Fretfully she tossed and turned only to jolt awake at the slightest noise. Then back once again to wandering through the never-ending trails. Often she wondered about her squad. She hoped they went back to Skyhold with Cullen.

She tried to not think about him but it was like not thinking of how hungry she was. She knew how lost he would be without others to turn to. One of the many reason’s she pushed her Warden’s to travel back to Skyhold. They would be a comfort to him while he struggled with her absence. The guilt of his love pushed her to carry on.

One foot in front of the other, she continued her trek. Ear’s straining at the slightest sound of possible enemies approaching. Entering a wide-open cavern, she kept to the borders of its walls. Avoiding the distant campfire of a gathered group of genlocks. Her eyes on her adversaries she felt the trip line but by then it was too late. The trap triggered throwing her backward she lay stunned. Her head buzzing she struggled to her feet as the nearby faction advanced at a run.

She withdrew Spellweaver conjuring small balls of fire. Catching two dead on, the third flew past its intended target. She met his blade with her own spinning his hooked axe aside. Sweeping his feet out from under him, he fell heavily. Pivoting three others joined to surround her. She cast chain lighting each one shaking with electricity.

A white-hot pain lanced across her left thigh as she jumped back in response. The downed gunlock smiled triumphan, his axe slick with her blood. The electrified gunlocks shook off the spell effects raising their weapons. Screaming in fury, she summoned an earthquake the ground shaking violently. The cavern shifted large boulders raining down all around her.

The dust slowly settling the foes lay around unmoving. A large open gash gushed blood down her leg. The bone was not visible but it was a deep wound. Cutting one of the straps from her pack, she tied it tight above the wound. She inhaled a hiss through clenched teeth at the pain. Glancing up she thought the light spilling through a trick of her eyes. Staring dazed high above a rock wall the unmistakable light of day. Limping closer her heart raced at the sight.

Taking care to plan her way up she started the climb. No food, little sleep, and now her wound made it seem as if she was moving in slow motion. She focused on the next cleft in the rock grunting with the effort. Hands shaking she pulled herself, the light moving ever closer. Finally drenched in sweat she emerged into the blinding light.

Blinking against the glare, she scurried away from the opening. Gulping fresh air, she wept with joy at the feel of blades of grass under her hands. The pain in her leg ebbed to a constant throbbing as she lay against a meadow. The heat of the sun warmed her already fevered skin. Her eyes closed against the brilliance of the sun but she sensed a shadow darken that light.

“Look what we have here,” A voice spoke above her, her eyes still sensitive to the sun could not make out the face above hers. “She’s injured as well.”

“Pretty,” Another voice added to the strangers. Her hand raised to shade her eyes found a harsh looking man standing above her. A cruel smile twisted his lips as a hidden figure seized her arms pining them above her head to the grass.

“How can you tell with all that armor?” The stranger leered while attempting to capture her now kicking legs. She tried to struggle biting at the hands restraining her. Sinking her teeth deep into his palm, she tasted dirt and blood. A blow rocked her head the world spinning above her.

She felt hands struggling with her buckles, the tug of her pants. A scream roared from her raw throat. Her vision focused onto the trees gently moving with the wind. Hot liquid rained down on her drawing her attention back to the man. An arrow sprouted from his throat, his eyes wide in surprise. He collapsed onto her leg as she passed out from the pain.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harvest Moon - Neil Young

Searching for weeks her phylactery their only source of hope. At times even Galen seemed to sense her. Nothing, no tracks, no evidence that she had been near or around Pembroke. Her location did change as they traced her course her along the coastline. Then shifting closer towards Orzammar but still no sign of her.

That day they spilt into several groups covering a large field. Cullen finally entrusted her phylactery to Feynriel believing he was not using it correctly. A sudden scream echoed like a clap of thunder from the edge of the field. Cullen and Galen ran full out towards the trees. As they neared he could make out Galdrin crouched over a body. She blocked his view though he could catch a glimpse of armor glinting silver in the sunlight.

An unknown man’s body lay nearby an arrow protruding from his throat. Another man crawled away slowly using the grass to pull himself along. An arrow emerged at his midsection, blood soaking his shirt. Galdrin shifted stalking after the man, shouting for Feynriel to tend to Iona. As Galdrin moved, his stomach twisted in horror seeing Iona’s lifeless figure. Cullen dropped to his knees beside her taking her hand in his.

To his relief her chest rose and fell with signs of life. A gurgled groan distracted him as he watched Galdrin slit the wounded man’s throat. “What happened, who is that?” he asked shocked looking away from the grisly act.

“I will explain later.” She put away her dagger coming back to Iona’s side. Feynriel showing her the leg wound then feeling her flushed cheek. “We need to clean this wound.” Noticing a deep gash crusted with blood.

The rest of the group finally reached the chaotic scene. Galen whined then howled mournfully laying down beside Cullen. Covered in dirt and sweat, the left side of her face actively swelling. Her skin hot to the touch he noted blood smeared around her mouth. The wound on her thigh the most concerning of her injuries. They quickly set to work setting up camp around her. Their tense faces mirroring each other’s. Cullen set himself on small tasks not wanting to get in the way. Finding wood, building a fire, collecting water.

He held himself back from going into the tent. Reciting the canticle of trails under his breath as he paced outside. Galdrin stepped out of the tent motioning Cullen aside. Away from the group, she drew in a shaky breath. “She is malnourished and dehydrated. We bound her wound but she is running a fever. When I came upon those men they were…” She looked down at the ground unable to meet his eyes.

“They were what?” he asked confused then disturbed as she put a hand to her heart.

“They were attacking her. When I found her…” Tears filmed her eyes as she swallowed hard. “One was holding her down and her pants were pulled down.” Anger tightened her features looking at their bodies. “I don’t want anyone else to know but I thought you should.”

His chest tightened looking from her to the men’s bodies. He nodded curtly his mouth set in a firm thin line. Striding away from the camp, he came to an alcove of trees. Drawing his sword, he hacked at near tree. Screaming his fury as hot tears spilled down his cheeks. Exhausted his efforts he sat drained staring at the ragged marks he inflicted on the bark.

They found her, she is alive, and that was the important part. Pushing his anger away, he resolved to be there when she woke. Pulling himself to his feet and sheathing his sword, he staggered back to camp. The bodies thankfully were gone but their blood still stained the grass. Entering the tent Feynriel looked up, setting aside a poultice. “It is unsafe to move her until she wakes. There some cloth and water here will help lower her temperature. We will be right outside if you need anything.”

“Thank you, Feynriel.” He offered looking down at her prone figure. She looked so tiny lying there covered in a clean linen shirt. His armor joined hers stacked in the corner. Lowering himself beside her, he started by cleaning the dirt from her skin. Hesitant at first he took care to gently wipe away the grime. Her limbs limp with no indication from her at his touch.

He watched over her until Sigrun relieved him to eat. “I found a fissure next to those two bodies. Explains a lot as to why could not find her. She was underneath us this whole blasted time. At least that hole made it easy to get rid of those thunderhumpers.” Oghren grumbled taking a mouthful of his homebrew.

Feynriel checked on her, pleased her fever lowered. Sigrun washed and combed her hair, leaving the tent with a bowl filled with dirt and blood. Galen joined his watch as they sat together watching her sleep. The swelling on her face bloomed shifting to a deep purple. His hands clenched into fists thinking about the dead men.

Galen snored at her feet; Cullen felt the strain of the day pulling at his eyelids. He wanted to hold her, feel the warmth of her skin against his. Afraid of causing her pain he settled for laying as close as he dared beside her. His outstretched hand resting on her shoulder. Afraid she would vanish and to remind himself she was actually here.

He recited another Chant changing it slightly hoping it would restore her. “Though stung with a hundred arrows. Though suffering from ailments both great and small. Her heart was strong, and she moved on. The deep dark before the dawn’s first light seems eternal. But know that the sun always rises.” He recited drowsily sleep tugging him under.

Dozing fretfully, he woke with a start but she had yet to move. “Stay with me,” He urged taking her hand to press against his cheek before falling back into a fitful slumber. He woke again after dawn the sunlight filtering through the cloth tent. He turned seeing her staring back at him a tired smile upon her lips. The relief clutched at his chest releasing all the tension built up in his body.

He must have looked ridiculous staring at her at a loss for words. “My throat feel like that time Oghren dared me to try a pipe.” She coughed rubbing at her throat. Galen whined happily his tail practically a blur in excitement. Cullen filled a small shallow bowl with clean water. He helped her sit up slightly bringing the bowl to her mouth.

She drank cautiously yet greedily relishing the cool liquid. Her white shirt dampened with the excessive water. Feeling at her own face, she winced the bruise clearly painful. “Are you hungry?” he questioned setting the empty bowl aside. She nodded squeezing his hand she tried to speak.

“Yes,” she rasped but held his hand like an anchor when he tried to move away. “Don’t leave, please.”

“Galen, get Feynriel,” Cullen ordered the mabari who launched himself out of the tent. Enthusiastic barking rang out in the silence of the morning. Fighting back tears, she held his hand as if it was the only solid object holding her in place. Worried that she would be frightened of his touch after what she had encountered.

Feynriel entered the tent his cheeks flushed a wide smile breaking out of his face. “Glad to see you in the real world once again.” Placing his hand onto her forehead, he looked content.

“Her throat is sore and she is hungry,” Cullen explained not letting go of her hand but making room for Galen. With her, other free hand she petted his head his tongue lolling.

“I will bring you some tea with honey, should help with the sore throat. You need something light in your stomach. I will bring some something to eat.” Feynriel excused himself closing the tent behind him. She leaned back her face pained slightly but then eased looking at him and Galen.

“You look as tired as I feel. How have you been?” She asked looking up at him while clearing her throat again.

“Truly? I have been a mess. I give your Wardens credit for putting up with my mood swings.” He admitted smoothing her hair back. “We have been following your trail for weeks. We are all kicking ourselves that we didn’t think you would be underground.” He had so many questions but in due time.

Feynriel entered a mug in one hand a plate in the other. He handed the steaming mug to Cullen then set the plate beside Iona. “We will need to change your bandage later.” He pointed to her thigh wrapped tightly in cloth. “You need rest. I will make sure to keep everyone away for a couple of days. We can all wait to hear about your adventure.”

“Thank you. There is a notebook in my pack. You and Galdrin might be able to make something of what I saw.” She motioned to the pack in the corner. Cullen helped her lean forward moving himself behind her to prop her up. Feynriel collected the notebook bobbed his head in acknowledgment as he exited. She drank slowly humming contently as the hot liquid soothed her throat.

“You make a great pillow.” She sighed leaning against him drinking her tea. He chuckled imagining his new role. She set down the cup picking up the plate. Two thick slices of bread spread with jam. She moaned salaciously savoring the bite. She quickly took another big bite chewing enthusiastically.

“Take it easy, you hardly have any nourishment in your body.” He warned though he found her eagerness adorable. She groaned with annoyance but slowed her chewing. He cleared his throat nervously gathering the courage to ask her an unpleasant question. “You don’t have to talk about it if you are not ready. The men we found by you. Did you know them? Did they hurt you?”

She finished her first piece of bread. Setting the plate down to pick up her tea. “I had never seen them before. Fiends looking for an easy target, I suppose. They must have heard the commotion from my spell. They did try to attack me…I bit one of them. I saw one of them struck by an arrow then I blacked out.” Her voice tight with remembrance. She hid her face studying the contents of her mug.

“Galdrin, Maker bless her. She found you first. She took care of them, of that I am glad. If it was me I don’t want to think about what I might have done to them,” He confessed the anger palpable in the air.

“I have never felt that powerless.” Anger thick in her voice her hands tightening around her mug. “They stank of unwashed bodies and mead. I tried but I couldn’t fight them off…I hate feeling weak” She griped beating a fist against the ground.

“I’ve felt the same…back at the Circle. Watching my friends and mages under my protection die in front of me. You were wounded, starved…what matters is we found you in time. Don’t give it another thought.” He assured her rubbing her upper arms in comfort. She nodded squeezing his hands then wiping at her tears in frustration. She sighed relaxing against his solid warm body.

“I really don’t think I would have made it out if it weren’t for you. That future you painted so perfectly, it is what kept me going,” She confessed wrapping his hands tighter around her. “I want to fall asleep listening to your voice. Tell me everything after I left.”

He told her everything starting from the beginning. Her head lulled against his chest as her slow deep breathing reassured him. He shifted seeing she had fallen back asleep tears still wet on her cheeks. Slowly and carefully, he laid her back down covering her with a thick blanket. He ate her other piece of bread washing it down with water. Laying back down beside her he curled his body around her as slept soundly for the first time in weeks.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I can have two songs its the last chapter:
> 
> The Blower's Daughter - Damien Rice
> 
> Let's Be Still - The Head and the Heart

Three days later, they all traveled back to Skyhold on horseback. Rushing out of Skyhold so quickly they did not even think to bring a horse for Iona. Cullen did not seem to mind sharing his sturdy warhorse. As they made their journey, she told them everything that had happen since she entered the Fade. Absorbed in her tale no one piped in with questions. Her body tensed when she described climbing out of the Deep Roads.

Cullen’s arms tightened around her, holding her protectively. All the years she had fought on her own not needing anyone to shield or protect it her. She felt the pressure of his lips against the back of her head. Enjoying the security she felt and had grown to rely upon. “Why couldn’t I sense you in the Fade once you returned?” Feynriel asked sensing the need to divert the conversation.

“I rarely slept at all. When I did it was only for minutes at a time.” She explained looking her companions over. Each seemed deep in thought as they considered her account.

“You actually saw Wynne in the Fade?” Oghren questioned his face somber. When they learned of her death, it hit them both hard.

“Honestly, I still don’t know. It looked like her. She…it...saved me. I want to believe it was her.” Tears welled in her eyes with gratitude.

“A great dragon…how will we ever find one?” Callis probed tugging on the reins.

“The answers are out there. The better question is how to obtain its blood without depleting the source. We cannot cure all Wardens we still need them for future blights. My opinion that we use the cure only on Wardens who begin to hear the calling. Regardless we must return to Weisshaupt with this information.” She reasoned spotting a small fortress in the distance.

“We have an agent in the Inquisition who might be able to help. Frederic of Serault, he is a professor of draconology.” Cullen offered steering his horse around a fallen tree. “Let’s get you settled first. Everyone at Skyhold will want to meet you. And it’s already been a long day’s ride.”

“Do you mind not mentioning the cure?” She lowered her voice directing her question at Cullen. A plume of dust on the road growing closer moved toward their direction.

“Understandable, I need to tell you something before we get to Skyhold…” Cullen answered cut off as two riders reared up in front of them.

“Commander, the Inquisitor sent us out to greet you and escort you to Skyhold.” An anxious looking soldier announced eyes darting around. She felt Cullen sigh heavily against her back.

“Perfect timing as usual Rylen. Any news to report?” Cullen asked his tone curt. She paid no attention to the soldier’s nervous details impressed with the looming castle. Skyhold nestled high in the mountains appearing to float in the clouds. Several turrets borders the walls the only entrance a single stone bridge. A large excited crowd gathered in the courtyard to greet them.

Cullen helped her dismount as if she was precious cargo. Normally the appearance of needing anyone’s help especially in public would have annoyed her. Instead, she smiled gratefully as he lowered her to the ground. Looking around the mass of people, she spied Leliana weaving her way through the crowd.

They embraced fiercely as old friends. She nodded shyly to the pressing crowd as Leliana directed her to throne room. Large braziers lined the room added light along with the tall glass windows highlighting an opulent throne. Leliana handled the introductions as she shook hands with names she remembered from Cullen's late night accounts.

A striking young elvish woman rose from the impressive throne to greet her. Dark hair styled back in intricate braids to reveal a lovely face. She noticed the woman’s dark eyes look her over. Her figure slight and angular outlined in tight leathers. Cullen stepped up beside her his arm encircling her waist to present her.

“Inquisitor Lavellan may I introduce Iona Amell,” Cullen declared his eyes darting from her face to Ellana’s.

“We are all overjoyed to have you here among us. It is a pleasure to meet a woman of your renown. Please you must allow us to host a party in your honor,” Ellana’s voice rose resounding in the huge hall.

“The honor would be mine, I thank you,” Iona declared inclining her head in acceptance. She noticed the Inquisitor’s spine straighten as Cullen offered his arm to lead her away. No longer limping, her leg still pained her though she was healing quickly. Her strength still recovering, she felt the strong desire to rest.

As if reading her mind Cullen guided her to a small neatly furnished room. Drowsy she kicked off her boots as he turned the bed down. Leaving her armor beside her bed, she slid under the cool sheets. Her head rested on the pillow as she closed her eyes. Before drifting off to sleep, she felt the briefest touch of lips at her brow.

She awoke to the groan of the door looking over to see Feynriel enter. The spot next to her cold and empty as she sat up stretching slowly. “Cullen sent me to wake you and I wanted to check your bandage.” Feynriel offered setting down the fresh dressing. Looking down she still wore her riding clothes as she moved to the edge of the bed. Lowering her leathers, she exposed the injured thigh.

“The whole keep is making ready for the party tonight.” Feynriel chatted cutting the old bandage then examining the healing laceration. He gently spread fresh ointment before rewrapping her leg.

“I wish they didn’t have to make such a fuss. I hate being the center of attention.” She complained watching him work.

“We rarely get the opportunity to revel and your return is certainly a call for celebration. Do not exert yourself tonight that cut is healing quite nicely. I don’t want you tearing your stitches dancing all night.” Feynriel finished collecting his supplies. She scoffed imagining herself dancing. “Leliana is waiting for you in the throne room.”

She redressed, finger combing her hair deciding to leave her armor. Taking her time, she made her way to the throne room. Looking over the defenses and the improvements made. Leliana’s face lit up as she approached clasping both her hands in hers. “It’s been too long Iona. I can’t tell you how relieved I am to see you.” Leliana glee was evident in her tight grip. “What are you wearing tonight?”

“Uh…my armor I suppose.” Leliana’s face fell looking her over.

“That simply will not do. You must allow me to make you over.” Leliana face glowed with possibilities while measuring her figure with curious eyes.

“Good Morning Ladies. I am glad I ran into you. Iona would you join me for breakfast?” The Inquisitor asked with a tight smile, which never reached her eyes.

“Certainly,” She answered moving to follow the Inquisitor. Not before catching the worried expression on Leliana’s face.

“Come to my room after you are done,” Leliana called out as they departed. “I must pry Josephine’s away from the planning to help,” She mumbled to herself quickly walking away.

Following the Inquisitor to her private chambers, she noticed a table set with various foods. The Inquisitor beckoned her to sit while pouring fresh juice for her. Restraining herself, she served a moderate portion catching the elvish woman observing her again. She was used to it, the way people looked at her.

“Galdrin tells me you met Mythal. I met her once myself. Quite a shock to meet a goddess everyone perceives as history.” Ellana nibbled at a piece of fruit daintily.

“Yes, I knew her better as Flemeth. She saved me twice now but now I wonder to what end. I imagine we are all pieces in her game. She is far from finished exacting her revenge,” She warned it troubled her picturing what she may have set into motion releasing her from that Eluvian.

“Where will you be going next?” Ellana probed as she scrutinized her guest.

“I must report back to the First Warden in Weisshaupt,” She disclosed wiping her mouth sitting up straighter in her cushioned chair.

“Leaving so soon…my Commander will at least be able to focus once again,” Ellana conceded sullenly taking a long drink of her tea. Her use of “my commander” emphasized as if he was her possession. “All these powerful women in his life. You, Hawke, and now myself or did he fail to mention it?”

Iona inspected her face, brows raised high in question. Jealously all too clear tightening her features. “He did not mention though it would not have mattered. I love him. I have always loved him. We went on with our lives after the Circle. He didn’t ask me about my past since then, I did the same.” She explained seeing the remark did not have the desired reaction.

Ellana struggled to control her emotions but tears watered her eyes. “You must excuse my bringing it up. I have not been myself since…” Choking back her words tears spilled down her cheeks. Reaching out she placed her hand over the Inquisitor’s. Her shoulder shook with emotion as she swallowed hard trying to explain. “I have been trying to piece myself back together. It is a lonely life, as you must know. Then to find someone only to lose them in the end.”

“Solas…” she let his name linger in the air. Cullen had mentioned his name describing the key players in the Inquisition. Galdrin suspected a connection after looking over his abandoned writings. Rumors had reached her crew from their time at Skyhold. An elf returning one day with her vallaslin removed then his sudden unexplained disappearance after defeating Corypheus.

“No explanation, he didn’t even say goodbye.” Ellana sobbed her eyes pained with memories they shared.

“He must have had his reasons. Even leaving the way he did, maybe he had no choice. You will get your answers. It will just take time unfortunately. I waited years, trust me it is worth the wait.” She patted her hand as Ellana used her napkin to wipe the remaining tears. The loud bang startled them both as Cullen staggered into the room.

He panted out of breath looking back and forth at the two women. “I suppose that is my cue. Thank you for breakfast Inquisitor,” Iona thanked crossing the room to be at Cullen’s side.

“Please call me Ellana, all my friends do,” The Inquisitor requested with a melancholy smile. They left her sitting alone staring out at the balcony. Walking in silence, they entered back at the throne room.

“Did you run all this way?” She asked biting back a smile. Sweat beaded his forehead still trying to catch his breath. “Can you show me to Leliana’s room?”

“This way…I had meant to speak with you earlier,” Cullen rubbed at his neck nervously avoiding her eyes.

“Oh…you mean your dalliance with Inquisitor?” She whispered after looking around to see the empty hallway. He inhaled a shocked breath then coughed choking on it. She could not hid her smile any longer she laughed at his puzzled expression.

“You knew?” He asked surprised stopping before a closed door.

“I knew you have a past just like me. Who am I to judge?” She shrugged grabbing his armor to pull him closer. His arms encircled her to hug her tight his body relaxing. “Just to be clear is there anyone else?”

“Just you, only you,” He agreed brushing his lips against hers. As their kiss began to deepen, the closed door swung open to reveal Leliana. They parted reluctantly small grins on their faces. “What is going on in here?”

Several articles of clothing lay strewn about the room. “Leliana says I can’t wear my armor to the party tonight.” She complained allowing Leliana to pull her along into the chaos of her room.

“Quite right. Moreover, you are next Cullen. I already had Josephine bring clothes to your room. Shoo now, you can see her again later tonight,” Leliana ordered rushing him out of the room. She turned with a devious smirk on her face. Hours later after bathing, hair styled, and make-up applied she did not recognize her reflection.

Her dark hair curled into large waves swept to one side. Make-up a new luxury as numerous times she had to stop herself from rubbing at it. The bruise on her face luckily had finally faded. Her grey eyes enhanced by black kohl and highlighted with a silver eye shadow. Lips lightly glossed with a shade of deep pink.

With the help from Leliana and Josephine, she was able to pull the dress over her head. She could not remember the last time she wore a dress. Robes and Grey Warden armor her only issued uniforms. A light purple dress sequined with tiny silver beads spread out on both sides like branches. Sheer sleeves stopped at her wrists. The neckline plunged to almost her midsection though the dress artfully concealed her cleavage.

Leliana attempted to convince her to wear jewelry but the dress was already too much. Silver-heeled sandals crisscrossed to fasten at her ankles completed the look. “You look lovely,” Josephine, sighed admiring their hard work.

They had both dressed in between helping transform her. All three walked the long hallway to the throne room. The room altered as well with long tables and chairs set up on each side. A musician sang at the back of the hall while playing a lute. A loud whistle erupted nearby turning everyone’s attention.

Oghren sat atop the table a pewter mug clutched in one hand. “If I wasn’t buckled in this armor, I’d take you around a corner and well you know…” Oghren bellowed looking her over from his perch. Callis reached over to grasp Oghren’s shoulder shaking his head.

“Will you make sure he behaves himself?” She uttered keeping her voice low.

“I will but even I have to admit you look breathtaking,” Callis smiled toasting her with his own mug. She smiled appreciatively moving away to approach the throne. Ellana sat in her position of power overseeing the festivities. Her own dress though striking much more somber in dark blues lined with gold.

Her shoulders bared looked slightly gaunt as if she was not eating enough. She rose seeing her advance with Leliana and Josephine at her side. She bent to bow as much as the dress would allow. Taking a proffered glass of wine from Leliana. Drinking deep to calm her nerves she noticed all eyes were on her. The Inquisitor taking her hand admired the elven band encircling her ring finger. She introduced her to other strangers some names she recognized.

Finally, familiar faces of Galdrin, Feynriel, and Sigrun stepped forward. Galdrin the first to speak breaking the dazed looks from her companions. “You should wear dresses more often,” Galdrin professed a teasing grin spreading across her face.

“Why do they get to wear their armor?” She muttered to Leliana suddenly feeling naked from the stunned looks of her companions.

“It’s your party and believe me I tried,” Leliana disclosed a look of disapproval at their garb.

“Galen, I haven’t seen him all day. Where is he?” Suddenly aware her shadow had been absent all day.

“He is in good hands. The kennel master and he are fast friends.” Sigrun enlightened suddenly regaining her ability to speak. A soft murmur reached her ear drawing her attention to the parting crowd. Cullen threaded his way through the throng. Looking left then right searching intently among the assembled group.

His waistcoat a dark purple with swirls of silver complimented his complexion. The collar of a white undershirt peeking out beneath the coat. Tight black trousers matched his high-laced boots. His golden curls slightly trimmed as well as his face cleanly shaven revealing his sharp jawline. She had met many a prince yet he looked exactly what every girl must have imagined.

His gazed passed over her then back his eyes widening in amazement. She liked what she saw in his inspection of her appearance. He tread closer slowly his eyes never leaving hers. Pulling her to aside of the smaller group, she watched him swallow roughly. “This is…you are…” He struggled for speech as she put two fingers under his chin to close his mouth.

“Why Mr. Rutherford you stole the words from my own lips,” She teased aware at the mention of lips his gaze shifted to her mouth. Which spread in slow secret smile meant just for him. “You shaved…”

“Leliana insisted, what do you think?” He queried his eyes taking another lingering look.

“She is right as usual. You clean up rather well Commander.” Her hand reaching up to caress that tantalizing scar just above his lip. Remembering where they were she froze noticing the entire room watching them. He caught her distracted gaze turning to look over his shoulder. “We seem to have an interested audience,” She whispered licking her lips nervously.

Not letting go of her hand he attempted to tug her along away from the crowd. “Oh no you don’t. You cannot sneak off until after at least after dinner. Josephine arranged the whole menu and you are the guest of honor.” Leliana stepped over to admonish them in a hushed voice. His fallen expression reflecting her own as Leliana led her to a chair at the center of a long table.

Seated alongside Ellana and Leliana she engaged in light conversion. Several men stopped by eager to bring her a glass of this and that. She accepted graciously but turned down thr many offers of a dance. Her head began to fill light noticing the numerous cups before her. Luckily, the food finally arrived starting with a pumpkin soup followed by smoked ham. For desert, a delicious sugar drizzled lemon cake. After her restricted diet, she had to stop herself from licking the plate. Seated across from her and slightly to the right Cullen brooded.

She yearned to feel the touch of his hands along her body. He resisted her advances since she had come back. He reasoned she was still too injured or unwell. She would not simply accept any more protestations tonight. His eyes flitted around the room but always drawn back to her. Drifting to plunging neckline reveling at the pale skin between her breasts. Her face flushing from the dark desire melding in his golden eyes. “Fine, go before you both set the table on fire,” Leliana hissed nodding her head towards Cullen.

Excited smiles spanned their faces as she rose from the table. Taking his arm, he led away from the banquet table. She tried not to notice countless heads turning in their direction tracking their exit. Content to be tucked into his arm with the added assistance able to maintain her grace in heels. He held an unfamiliar door open as she moved to step into the chamber.

Her breath caught staring at the images painted in strikingly familiar style. She turned in slow circles taking in the fresco’s surrounding her. “They look just like the murals I saw in the Black City. Where these here when you found Skyhold?” She questioned noticing an abandoned image stepping closer to study it.

“Actually, this was Solas’s old room. They are all his paintings. I thought you might like to see them since you appreciate art.” He explained watching her brows furrow in confusion.

“This one is unfinished…who was Solas really? How did he join the Inquisition?” She asked reaching out to touch the rough sketch. It appeared to be a giant wolf towering over a downed dragon. A large sword stuck in its back. If Mythal is still alive, could the other elven gods still exist among them as well?

“Like I told you before he just showed up after the explosion at Haven. The Inquisitor cannot stand to set foot in this room after he vanished. Why do you ask?” He stepped up behind her wrapping his arms around her while she tried to complete a train of thought. Shaking her head as if to rouse herself.

“May the dread wolf take you…” She muttered to herself remembering the familiar saying among the clans. “If you ever encounter him again I would be very interested in what he has to say.” Holding unto his arms, she leaned against him rocking slowly to the distant music.

He turned her slowly to face him both his hands met at the small of her back. Pressed close they swayed slowly to the music her arms resting on his arms then moving to encircle his neck. “Every moment in my life has led up to meeting you. I did not think it was possible for me to feel this way. No matter the distance or time between us, it has always been there.” She admitted shyly checking his expression underneath her lashes. A slow sure smile upturned at the side of corner of his mouth.

“I wish I could see myself as only you see me. I have everything I ever wanted right now. In many ways, it is even scarier how much I could stand to lose. But whatever comes, we will face it…together,” Cupping her face he moved his lips closer to meet hers. “Mhh…you taste like lemons,” He grinned licking his lips as she chuckled softly.

“Your room or mine?” She asked her hands running up the rich cloth of his shirt. She stopped herself from tearing him out of his clothes.

“My room has a ladder and with your leg…Are you sure?” She put a single finger to his lips silencing him. No more excuses not when her time so limited m, nothing would deter her tonight. She tugged his hand pulling him along to her quarters. Opening the door she stumbled over the silts Leliana called shoes. He caught her deftly then kicked the door closed. Laughing she steadied herself watching as he knelt before her.

He lifted one leg taking care to unfasten the thin strap of her slipper. She swallowed hard her breathing increasing as he took her other foot and repeated the same motion. His hands slipped up inside her dress stroking up and down the length of her legs. As if he could capture the sensation of her skin in his memory.

She gasped as his fingers traveled higher turning her away from him. He stood behind her, felt the release of the small delicate buttons at the back of her dress. The dress fell away to puddle onto the floor. His hands slow but determined explored the rest of her body. A deep throbbing started down low grew increasingly fevered.

The soft touch of his lips along her shoulder as his fingers found that hungry spot. His warm breath tickled her neck, she whimpered slightly pushing against his body. Closing her eyes she gave herself over to his ministrations She felt the deep spasm as her knees struggled to not buckle under her release. She panted trying to recover then turning to see the outline of him straining against his trousers. She ran two fingers along his thickness teasingly.

Unable to resist she unfastened his pants taking him in her hand. She watched as he unbuttoned his shirt to reveal his torso. All muscle and perfect in her eyes, scars included she sighed at his beauty. Swollen and pulsing she stroked him while propelling him towards the bed. “Lay back,” she ordered seeing the unease in his eyes when he sighted her bandage.

Like a solider, he obeyed understanding at once that she would be the one in control. Taking care, she crawled over him sliding above one swift motion. She held him there, full and taut staring down at him. “You are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen,” he breathed gazing up her flushed cheeks.

Her hair falling in soft waves concealing parts of her naked skin. She brought his hands to her firm breasts as she began to move gradually. Her body arched moving in the rhythm of her own desire. Leaning back, she worked herself in small tight circles. Her breath catching as his hands moved to her hips for purchase.

Her hips rose then ground down to meet him. Her increasing but soft moans began to reach an ascent. Laid bare in gentle candlelight illuminating her as she threw her head back in ecstasy. She felt his own release mingled with her own as small jolts of her pleasure shuddered within her. With shaky legs, she collapsed beside him careful not to lie on her wounded side.

Glancing over at his own satiated expression, she wondered if she could ever grow tired of him. She could not imagine a time when she could ever get enough of this man. She imagined him older, annoyed he would undoubtedly grow even more handsome. Her heart ached like an open wound. Easy to inflict pain and yet willingly she invited its sting.

She outlined the cross hatched scar in the valley beneath his collarbone. He stared up at the ceiling regaining his breath but lost in thought. “What are you thinking?” she wondered interested in where his mind could possibly be.

“I was considering the future. I know may be getting ahead of myself but I would be interested in how you feel. Like where would you like to make a home if you weren’t a Warden?” He asked turning to catch her delighted visage.

“I’ve never thought about it…I suppose I would like to live near water. An ocean or even a lake, somewhere near a forest. I would prefer not live in a city, somewhere secluded. What about you, any ideas?”

“My family lives in South Reach, west of Brecilian Forest. I write to my sister but not as much as I should. I suppose I would want to be close to family later in life. How do you feel about children?” His eyes nervously shifted back to the ceiling.

“Most Wardens can’t have children,” She remembered when she was a child in the hands of the Chantry. Other children picked from childless couples while she watched on dejected. Once she began to demonstrate magic, her chances vanished.

“We could adopt, there are plenty of children who need a good home. It’s something I would like to at least discuss at some point,” He offered finally turning to observe her reaction. She had never indulged in thoughts of having a family or leading an average life. Her life since the Wardens always laid out before her. She could move up the ranks, perish in her pursuits, or finally follow her calling to death.

The notion of caring for a child she turned over in her mind. She knew how eager for love and protection she was as an orphan. Cullen opened a completely new addition to her world full possibilities she had never imagined. She found herself thrilled he wanted to plan a future with her. This man admittedly beautiful but damaged, together they could fill in those flawed pieces of one another.

Was she kidding herself, could she really have the life they were trying to create? “Of course we can discuss it. This is all new to me, wanting things for myself outside of the Wardens. What would you be doing while I tend to our pack of unruly children?” She joked curling in closer to his body.

“Pack?! I was thinking one or two but if you insist.” He exclaimed the scar on his lip lifting with his grin. “I have been thinking of starting a clinic to help ex-Templars and lyrium addicts.” He lifted his head up to inspect her bandage. She followed his eyes, no bleeding which was a good sign. If she tore a stitch, Feynriel would give her a stern long-winded lecture.

“Two ex-commanders living in the country surrounded by children. Sounds fantastic. I think I would like to garden, I’ve always enjoyed working with my hands.” She ran one hand up the delicate hairs along his inner thigh. His laugh deeply masculine rumbled from his chest. He tilted his face towards hers to capture her lips.

She did not want to mention her inevitable departure. It would happen as it always did, why ruin this perfect moment. Pushing her fears aside, they stayed up into the night discussing the possibilities. Building a future for both of them to set their hopes on. No matter what might test them they could take comfort in their plans for a life after duty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for hanging in there with me. I have been working on this addition since before COVID. I thought it would fuel me to write more since I am spending more time at home Depression is a *****. As I am sure most people also affected by 2020. Video games are such a great escape which really pushed me to finish this story. It was the most research I did for any of my other fanfics. The community here is so accepting and I received nothing but nice comments, especially since I am not a writer. I thank each one of you who reads this or my other short stories. If you liked it please hit that Kudos, each one makes me smile. Be well and much love. Hope you enjoy the music!


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